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#427685 - 03/10/13 09:09 PM Maybe some progress
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
I disclosed to my aunt this week. She knew my perp. My perp is a peer of my grandparents. I asked her if she remembered him, she said yes.

I said, "He raped me."

She said, "What do you mean?"

I said, "I mean, he raped me."

She said, "Oh my God. I believe you. That motherfucker!"

That instant validation felt really good. Finally, for once. It felt real instead of something I was making up or suspecting without proof.

When I started therapy in 2004, my first words to my first T were something like, "I wasn't abused but I have symptoms of someone who was." To go from there, to accepting I was abused but didn't remember, to finding a suspect, to shaping a narrative, eight or nine years of detective work on my own early life, to getting instant belief and validation feels really good, and a welcome change from the silence and denial I get from my father and mother, respectively.

I was able to tell her (my aunt) that my perp was uncircumcised and had white pubic hair, details which my dissociated younger self has eroticized. But by telling her as my primary self, I was able to feel the correct emotion -- disgust. There for about 12 hours, I felt almost cured. It didn't hold, but I'm hoping to reinforce that disgust with the EMDR.

"I believe you. That motherfucker!" -- words that might have changed my life.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#427686 - 03/10/13 09:20 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Wow!!

I believe you too. That motherfucker!!!
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#427689 - 03/10/13 09:24 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
What a validation !!

....the mother fucker....
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#427690 - 03/10/13 09:26 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 758
Loc: Southeast USA
Those are powerful words! She's in your corner...and obviously is not shocked by the person you named.
I think this is the confirmation you have waited on.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#427691 - 03/10/13 09:27 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1782
took courage and happy you got validation. it is wonderful when people validate what happened.

I hope you keep moving forward--you took a step many of us grapple with everyday.

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#427692 - 03/10/13 09:32 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I LOVE that woman!

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#427694 - 03/10/13 09:34 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3512
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Hey, Can't -

that is incredibly good news. i'm so happy for you.

that feeling of "able to feel the correct emotion -- disgust. There for about 12 hours, I felt almost cured." THAT is something to be cherished. even if it doesn't hold - you can remember it and look forward to re-attaining it.

are you gonna change your name now?

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#427697 - 03/10/13 09:57 PM . [Re: cant_remember]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 10:41 PM)

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#427698 - 03/10/13 10:03 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
Wow.

I just reloaded after a half hour and 6 (edit: 7) replies? Damn, guys. Literally have tears in my eyes. To share here and to get this kind of instant positive feedback after years of so much pain, I can't put words to how much I love you all. My brothers.

Today is a new day for ole cant <underscore> remember.

Lee (edit: and LAD), you devil(s). Asking me about changing my name. I have thought about it. But not yet. (not even sure if I can or how to go about it). But even though I now *know* the truth, I still don't remember it. Knowing and remembering are two different things. I have deduced it, but I still don't recall it.

To the puzzle that has been my life: I have figured you out, you dirty motherfucker.

Cant


Edited by cant_remember (03/10/13 10:04 PM)
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#427705 - 03/10/13 10:28 PM Re: Maybe some progress [Re: cant_remember]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
You were right.

You were right all along.

You were right.

And someone at last is on your side.

I'm so proud of you.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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