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#427660 - 03/10/13 03:05 PM I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
Read this fucking article, I knew there's no way you can get over a loss. I'm smart enough to know that, I FUCKING knew that. I don't over think things, I'm continually given illusions to hold on to, to which my mind instantly tells me something is wrong. I'm learning to trust myself more, and whether it brings pain or not, I want the god damned truth. Because without the truth, you cannot fix the unknown. And with the unknown you can only create illusions. Psychs tricks can't work on me, I see through them. If I have to, I'll write my own damn book, I'll get my PH.D and I WON'T revert to bending truth, holding on to false hopes, or LYING. MARK my fucking words.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inte...ething-get-over

I've read the phoney books of Mike Lew and Laura Davis (actually at least she called out her fellow psychs in saying forgiveness was NOT required to heal), and heard countless lies from my prestigious therapists of whom I will keep unnamed because I am unsure how confidentiality works. They may be well meaning, and good intentioned, but it does not change the truth.

P.S. I wasn't even looking for this article, I just found it browsing the web, I recieved a message and key words stuck in my head. I searched intense emotions, and browsed the results. I wasn't even looking for any kind of proof or anything, life gave it to me.

I'm sick of all the lies. If it's one thing that perpetuates my anger, its the fucking lies. I hate lies. My family lies to me, my psychs lie to me, books on healing lie to me, people lie to me, society lies to everyone, politicians get promoted for lying, and the lies spread by religion only perpetuate hate and war. BUT most of all, lies can only further isolate you from people and reality.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427661 - 03/10/13 04:11 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
You think people like Mike Lews are lying? As in, they are intentionally attempting to deceive people, not just that are mistaken?

I'm asking to understand your point of view. I haven't read his book so I don't know for myself.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#427662 - 03/10/13 04:32 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
I don't presume to know his intentions, but I do think he is mistaken. I can agree with many things he's said, but it's evident when it comes his opinions, they are more written as propaganda. It could be unintentional, but damaging irregardless.

I personally think his intentions are obviously good willed. But to my knowledge, he isn't even a survivor of sexual abuse.

I wrote this post as a vent, so it was written in anger, keep that in mind.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427667 - 03/10/13 05:24 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
"Because without the truth, you cannot fix the unknown."

This is certainly true. I think the following excerpt pretty much sums up her main point about recovery versus secondary repression:

"I had been treating a severely depressed man who, for many months, was not responsive to intensive psychotherapy or medication. Upon discovering with the patient that his depression began at a time in which his age matched his father's age of death, the depression miraculously lifted. Beneath his depression lay a myriad of fears that he would be like his father, which included dying at the same age of his father as well as guilt that he was not like his father and could live a full life. Although he had been unaware of the age factor, his painful feelings seemed to recreate the trauma of his father's death, which was too overwhelming for him to feel when he was ten years old.

One of the reasons that grief happens to be triggered by external reminders, such as in anniversary reactions, is because grief is an emotion that sends a vague alert to help you to remember, rather than to forget. Even so, what most people do with grief is attempt to forget--to get over it-which is quite contrary to the purpose of the emotion. Rather than try to forget, one must attempt to remember and cooperate with what your emotion is trying to convey. There are many ways to remember. You can remember what you learned from the person you lost, remember what you enjoyed, and you can cry if you feel like crying. Even if your grief is about a relationship gone bad, there is always something that you can learn by remembering it."


While I empathize with your anger quite a bit I can't go as far as to call Mike Lew's or Laura Davis' books "phoney." On the other hand, even though there is plenty of truth in each author's perspective their books certainly aren't Scripture and shouldn't be treated as such. Furthermore, and this is where our agreement really resonates, anybody who says survivors need to "get over it," "let it go," "move on," or any variation of this needs to seriously reexamine their thoughts on the subject of recovery not to mention their approach to victims. All too often non-survivors and even professionals in the field equate positive coping mechanisms/appropriate mental adaptations with forgetting the matter altogether. It is easily one of the most unhealthy, counterproductive reactions any survivor might face in their journey of recovery.

"Hey, glad to hear your repression broke and you're ready to deal with what happened to you...so...uh yeah, could you re-repress the whole thing soon so we can get back to minimalizing CSA as a public health risk? Seriously, I lost my dad/job/dog/whatever last year and that's the same as what you dealt with and look at me I am over it!" If it weren't so tragic a mindset it would be laughable. Unfortunately, this is definitely one of the obstacles we face as a community in the good fight against CSA and push for recovery of all survivors across the world.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#427670 - 03/10/13 05:55 PM . [Re: Publius]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 10:40 PM)

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#427672 - 03/10/13 06:14 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: Publius
All too often non-survivors and even professionals in the field equate positive coping mechanisms/appropriate mental adaptations with forgetting the matter altogether. It is easily one of the most unhealthy, counterproductive reactions any survivor might face in their journey of recovery.
"Hey, glad to hear your repression broke and you're ready to deal with what happened to you...so...uh yeah, could you re-repress the whole thing soon....?


Less than two months ago my psychiatrist said exactly this. That I had to stop thinking about this subject and the best thing would be to replicate what I'd done in my youth to obscure it.

I think I blocked out the end of that conversation I was so pissed! But whatever, he writes my scrips.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#427674 - 03/10/13 06:45 PM . [Re: SoccerStar]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 10:41 PM)

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#427679 - 03/10/13 07:27 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Sacred_Sage Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 141
(This is not my professional opinion, but my personal one)

I'm 24 years old, and I know that no matter how hard I work on the things I've been dealt with in life, I'm not going to forget them. Grief isn't something you can forget. Hurt isn't something you can forget, HOWEVER (and this is a big one), you can accept the grief and the hurt and have it lessen to the point where it might seem that you've forgotten about it. Truth hurts, and truth will set you free... and maybe, in your walk, finding that truth in what happened to you is what is important to you. In others, it might not be the case.

In my case, I am working to accept the damage and the hurt. I don't necessarily need the truth of what has happened to me to move forward. So people like Mike Lew and Laura Davis works for me because I know what works for me.

Everyone is different. Everyone responds differently to different things. If we all responded to the same things the same way, how easy it would be for all of us! But we are definitely unique beings with unique insights.

I'm not trying to discount what you feel, but I am suggesting that it may not work because I don't respond the same way as you do when it comes to certain things. I wouldn't discount the work they've put in to their scholarly articles and books and I wouldn't count it either. I'm a skeptic at heart, because that's what I'm trained to be.

I personally feel we should find the best thing that works for us. So therapy or this method they are using isn't working with you. I'd suggest finding something that does cause grief can be difficult to heal from.

The other thing to consider is that our workers who try and help people are people too. They've gone through some crap themselves. Some of them may not be so affected by it, and others may be having a particularly bad day. We've all been there. They are people, and so are we. We make mistakes. So do they...
_________________________
http://youtu.be/HL297ZTYVRM <---- In case you ever wondered what I sound like.

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#427681 - 03/10/13 07:51 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I get the venting, CF, and the emotions. Always liked Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. Kirk says, "I need my pain!"

Wading past the cookie-cutter religious/psychobabble bullshit on "forgiveness" isn't the easiest path, but it's been more satisfying to my soul. Primarily, I'm mostly at peace with myself and exactly who I am...pain and all.

When I finally got fed up with the New Agey "forgiveness" crap (a bit like going from Point A to Point C without going thru Point B), I was able to understand the whole warped fucking family dynamic. That's all I needed to make my decisions to improve MY life...and it didn't include them.

I've found, too, it's rare for someone, except the closest of friends, to ask me to forgive them. Good information to have. It tells me a lot about their character and capacity for self-examination. Likewise, the alibi, "Whatever I did, forgive me" is a cop out. It may sound like I'm being harsh, but it keeps the emotional backlog clean.

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#427683 - 03/10/13 07:58 PM Re: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! [Re: CloudyFalls]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
My next T session is supposed to be all about forgiving my perps and my parents. What Forgiveness is and what it isn't. Like it isn't forgetting (so he said).

We'll see where that goes.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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