Although other men may appear to have grown beyond this kind of response, I'm not sure that thinking about your growth as being stunted is giving you a fair shake. Since feelings of inadequacy are so prevalent among men, I think freezing up around a woman who you find attractive is fairly normal.
That said, when you have no way of dealing with it because of painful situations in the past, it is frustrating to say the least! Therapy can be good for building an awareness that keeps you in the present even while the past is acknowledged.
Another way to approach the freezing is through working on how your body actually responds by breathing deeply. For the past year, I have been working with a sensorimotor therapist who helps me notice how my own body responds to feelings of danger and safety.
I hope you find healing on your journey, as well as plenty of empathetic voices....
Lose the drama; life is a poem.