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#427512 - 03/08/13 06:36 PM My Abuser
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:28 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#427516 - 03/08/13 07:44 PM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
bHey, G-

With the CSA, I can empathize with you. I was 14 when my last CSA abuse episodes started and he was 29. That lasted for a miserable 3 yrs or so. How I wish someone had protected me too. I am in Therapy myself, amazed that I made it into my 54th year before I completely fell apart. But fall I did. And I still have to go because I know if I don't, my pain will destroy me from within. Be proud of yourself for having the tenacity and fortitude to heal. Be proud of taking care of you. I say good for you.

btw... I like and understand your scarcasm... I use it also....

Hang tough and thinking of you.

Angels, guy.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#427678 - 03/10/13 07:14 PM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Dear Geoff,

I'm sorry about the many abuses you've suffered from your own family and by people in the church of your youth. You never deserved any of it and instead should have always been protected and cherished, as all children should be. It's sad, beyond anything which can be said, that such things happen, and makes no sense. Even when we can understand, intellectually, HOW it happened, we often wonder emotionally, WHY it happened and the answers may be elusive and painful before they become healing and empowering.

Sounds like you've been working very hard and that resolving your abuse issues are a high priority. I understand from experience what this is like, especially the financial considerations and how that impacts everything else. Reparations for our suffering and to endow our recovery rarely happen, most of us have to find ways to finance recovery ourselves. Not very fair and not very easy, but still it's possible and many achieve healing inspite of the hardships.

I admire your bravery, your strong desire to heal and your wish for a better life, and I hope that your means of recovery becomes easier for you. I wish there were more to offer you than encouragement, it too often seems too little, I think we all deserve so much more.

Take good care,

Gary
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#427759 - 03/11/13 04:18 PM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:29 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#427770 - 03/11/13 07:24 PM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Dear Geoff,

It's obvious that you have good insight into your abuse and that you're a smart man. Yet, perspective for any of us about ourselves, our abuse included, is not easy to have. It helps having someone with some objectivity, like our therapists or confidantes, to help us gain better perspective about our lives, with greater objectivity than we sometimes have ourselves.

As you explained your feelings about not identifying as a victim, I felt as though struck by a bolt of lightening from my past, my early recovery. I had been in therapy for my CSA and incest issues for awhile and had made good progress, and then I became stuck. The harder I worked to get things moving, the worse things got. My brain (which too often works too much) and the very way I intellectualized my abuse, was pretty disconnected from my emotions and my heart. They were in many ways encapsulated and frozen in the past, waiting and waiting, almost like prisoners, to be freed from the times of the abuse.

Mary, my therapist, recognized the problem and knew what to do to help me through it. Although I wasn't too thrilled about the idea, she said that I would need to get in touch with my victim self, my abused child self and connect with him and my past. We worked on it through a variety of exercises and to my amazement things began to get better again. Eventually I gained new momentum, felt better, and in the process even gained an important ally in healing, my young self, my abused self, my brilliant survivor and victim self.

Geoff, all aspects of who we are, when recognized and channeled constuctively, are our partners in healing. They can each contribute a piece of the puzzle that was the abuse and can then contribute to the whole we hope to become, to the good life we wish to live.

Sometimes we need to look backwards, to go backwards, to move forward.

You struck a chord with me and perhaps some of this makes sense to you in some way. In any case I wish you well in your healing and recovery.

Best regards,

Gary
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#427861 - 03/12/13 01:00 PM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
Hey G,

Good for you for outing this bastard. Sorry you can't have the satisfaction of seeing him prosecuted, but you could see to it that EVERYONE who knew him will know what he did to you. I think the more we talk about it, the less power it has over us. Shout it from the rooftops!

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#427999 - 03/14/13 04:44 AM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
All of this was terribly difficult to say, but If I don't find ways to deal appropriately with the event, and encapsulate it into it's appropriate perspective, then I will relive it forever. Today I won't make that the focus of my life. I will and choose to become a survivor of CSA & Incest, because being a victim requires martyrdom. I am unwilling to be a martyr. I must continue to look for ways to mitigate my pain and suffering in this NOW.

Any other focus is looking backward.

Geoff


It couldn't be said better! I'm going to print your words and to have it nearby as reminder! You are hell of a survivor, you deserve standing ovation for your fight!

(((Geoff))))
_________________________
My story

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#443959 - 08/10/13 02:00 PM Re: My Abuser [Re: bodyguard8367]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:29 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#443965 - 08/10/13 03:17 PM . [Re: bodyguard8367]
ac9 Offline


Registered: 11/07/12
Posts: 1
Loc: USA
.

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