This is a great place for validation and fellowship with men who have had similar experiences and feelings. Go easy on yourself, you are just starting to rebuild oyur soul. That takes courage, patience and balls. Please read as you feel able, and post when you feel comfortable doing so. There's no pressure here, no judgement, and no condemnation.
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."Pink Floyd