This is a great place for validation and fellowship with men who have had similar experiences and feelings. Go easy on yourself, you are just starting to rebuild oyur soul. That takes courage, patience and balls. Please read as you feel able, and post when you feel comfortable doing so. There's no pressure here, no judgement, and no condemnation.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell