This is a great place for validation and fellowship with men who have had similar experiences and feelings. Go easy on yourself, you are just starting to rebuild oyur soul. That takes courage, patience and balls. Please read as you feel able, and post when you feel comfortable doing so. There's no pressure here, no judgement, and no condemnation.
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?. The Who