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#427350 - 03/06/13 11:23 PM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: traveler]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
The nature of Survivors is to be inherently self centered. It is pretty difficult for us to be genuinely interested in the well being of other people. Genuine caring about 'the other', I don't think is possible, until a real recovery has taken place.

Obi - I'm sorry you've been experiencing what you've been experiencing. I've seen it myself. Shit, I've DONE it myself.

There's a popular saying in Alanon - "Are you going to the hardware store looking for bread?"

I have learned from my dealings here at MS that I need to take care of myself first and foremost; and if I have something to offer and give, I'll give it. But I can't expect anything from anyone here.

If I DO receive something valuable here, it is a real gift.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#427351 - 03/06/13 11:26 PM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: Obi]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 165
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: Obi
no need to reach out. I don't have any more issues.

i'm doing great!



If you want to put on a facade, that's up to you. Look I can't help you if you don't want my help. I only want you to heal, and I hope you find the compassion you're looking for, because you deserve it. If you ever wonder, who care's about Obi? Just remember, CloudyFalls here does. But I can't fix you or fill that gaping hole inside that all of us here have. I'm sorry, I can't break through your defenses and swoop out all the pain. Believe me, I wish I could. I just don't know what to say Obi, I tried, I care.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427371 - 03/07/13 09:31 AM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: Magellan]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
....



Edited by Obi (05/03/13 06:14 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#427372 - 03/07/13 09:45 AM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: traveler]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
...


Edited by Obi (05/03/13 06:14 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#427374 - 03/07/13 10:43 AM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: traveler]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 575
Loc: VA
Yeah, I got tired a long time ago of saying I'm okay when I'm not. Sometimes I just say "Okay so far." We have to remember that howyadoin/okayyou is just an acoustic ritual, like those whooshing sounds modems and fax machines make so they can talk to each other.

John

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#427377 - 03/07/13 11:24 AM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: Obi]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 550
Originally Posted By: Obi
and because i genuinely care, and a lot of survivors know that, i get sought out for help, support etc. i don't mind doing that because i like to help...

but they forget that i'm a survivor too, still going through recovery as well.. that i need that help and support too...


I know how that feels. I've always been able to put on a strong face. Ever since I was a kid, I was always the one people thought they could rely on. Even people who had no business relying on a kid. People listen to me, or read what I say, I talk in a way that makes people assume I am ok. Even when I am really not.
_________________________
"As long as the child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen . . . all appeals to love, solidarity, and compassion will be useless."
-- Alice Miller

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#427388 - 03/07/13 02:43 PM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: Obi]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 165
Loc: Ohio
That's okay Obi, it's okay to be selfish sometimes. There's the good selfish, then there's the bad selfish. I talked to my therapist about this because I am like you in a way, just look at my sig. It's much similar to how you said. "Be the change that you want in the world... do unto others as you would have them do unto you." And it's particularly hard, because not everybody is that way, it can be stressful.

The way my psych told me is, it's not really selfish if you're doing what you're doing to get what you need. If you're doing something selfish because of something you want, then you can question yourself. Don't worry about being selfish right now Obi, it sounds like you're just trying to get what you need. But above all, you're a great guy, I wouldn't question that.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#427412 - 03/07/13 07:54 PM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: Magellan]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL

A few years ago, when someone I knew well asked how I was doing, I had a patented, half-joking response. I would say, "Well, my life is a spiraling hell of unending pain and misery but I'm pretty much used to it so, all things considered, I guess I'm doing ok". Some people thought that was funny, some just thought it was fucked up. I stopped saying it because it was probably getting kind of old. Maybe I should start saying it again. Hee-hee.

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#427413 - 03/07/13 08:12 PM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3198
Loc: back in the USA
ha! - i like that.

yesterday i just said - "about the same"
that kind of made people skip a beat - they didn't know how to take it or know what i was comparing it to.

the worst is when you answer with anything other than "fine" - and they say "What?" as if they are not even aware that they have asked a question!
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#427414 - 03/07/13 08:31 PM Re: Howyadoin(?)! @#%$&*+~!!! [Re: traveler]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1046
Loc: The ATL

Hee-hee. This morning I was buying my coffee at the gas station at about 6:45 AM and when the guy behind the counter asked how I was doing I said... "I don't know yet. Ask me in a few hours and I'll have a better idea." At that hour, I couldn't have given a more honest reply.

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