Yeah, guess what. Apparently nobody cares what pain I've lived through. Out there, in the real world, nobody cares. They don't even wanna hear my story most of the time. Is that what this world is like? How can people be so cold? This world baffles me with it's cynical ways. And the people who do care are usually quiet, on the sidelines watching, so as to not get in the crossfire, or to avoid conflict. You know what I think? I think Albert Einstein was right. The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the evil people, but because of the people who don't do anything about it. But hell, even that's a glamorous idea, that there are even people that could or would do anything about it.

I don't like this world. I really don't. Sometimes I even question whether or not I am really so good myself. Is it narcissistic to say I'm strong? Is it selfish to talk about my pain to receive compassion? Nope. Neither is true, cause this god damn world is a big ass contradiction. They say divided we fall, but how can we unite if we can't even get our heads together? There are no truths we hold, there's ideas we agree on. And as long as there are no truths to be held, we remain a paradox, we remain divided, we remain in an endless struggle.

Peace? I once spoke so passionately about? Yeah what is that exactly. Let's see, well, we'd all have to agree on everything in order for there to be no conflict. Good luck with that. Maybe it's possible, but I'll never live to see it. It's funny how in one place people can talk freely without offending one another, and in another, you can't say what's on your mind without offending everyone. If only we could have a world like this website, where everyone is family. Where everyone does care. I don't know sometimes. What's the point? To anything we do.

The world will swallow you whole and show no mercy, only the fittest survive. Not the most deserving. What a shame.

And that's just one shade of gray.

I could fucking dream a world better than this. Anybody can, how sad is that? I want to fall asleep and just live in my dreams. I often imagine that's what death is for. We live life to gather stuff to make the best dream we can, then when we die we put it all together to make our own personal heaven.

I'll tell you, for me, there's nothing more painful than hearing or reading the words "nobody cares" when you've just told them your story.

I hope you willfeel better

There is mercy, that is why there is this place where we do care for eACH OTHER

I know. I've been told that in so many different forms... and it never fails to feel like a knife in my heart. The world is a cold, sick, uncaring place. Your only defence is to surround yourself with as many caring people as you can, and screw the rest...

Hey man it is not narcissistic to say to self that you are strong.
We have to be encouraging to ourselves especially when we can't get it from from others.
You said well, unfortunately it is cold world outside there.
Hang on buddy

((((CloudyFalls)))

I've gone through this myself. The point is to go through it. I told childhood friends when we were adults and they said "why are you telling us this now" and reading between the lines there wasn't care from them but a burden to them. I felt no care. It shut me down for a while.

Now, I've worked hard at finding care and I am finding it with others (started with therapists and then groups) and developing self-care and even a sense of higher power care. I only tell those from whom I feel trust and care. I would love to tell everyone as it would explain so much about my erratic life but some people would trample on it.

There are people who care and understand. I do.

Ed

I am glad you found support. I too thought support did not exist. However I have learned there are caring and compassionate people in the world. I had posted to facebook, thinking it was a private posting--well it was not and appeared on my wall. The outpouring of compassionate and supportive messages from friends from childhood and college was overwhelming. I was taken back because I never intended to share it with so many. I now realize there will be the naysayers and those who truly know the meaning of compassion and love--we are all born good but from our environment people learn to love or disparage others who have been dealt a difficulties in their lives. So it is important to focus on those that can love and share and put the others in a separate space in your life.

In my worst moments, CF, yes I've felt like you. I've found it's more an indication of my state of mind than anything else.

As far as the outside world, I'd have to agree that most people don't care. For one, they've got problems of their own about which, frankly, I don't care. Some people do care - not a lot of 'em - but some. Well, that's all I need.

Thanks guys, I really needed your support on this one. I'm feeling a bit better after a nights rest, sometimes for me at least I can go to bed feeling so angry, so sad, or so upset and then wake up with almost a sort of revelation, that it was just a moment, and I begin to remember all of the people that do care, and I can begin to feel a bit better. Of course it always helps ten fold to hear it from others as well.

Also, it's probably important to keep in mind that there are surely people out there who may come across as uncaring when perhaps the didn't mean to be. Some people may not be ready to hear something like a revelation about CSA, especially not from someone they know. Some people just do not have the interpersonal skills it takes to handle these things in what would seem like an appropriately compassionate manner. They may panic inside and change the subject when someone tells them something really heavy and they don't know how to respond. They may even feel bad about it afterwards. That doesn't necessarily make them uncaring, just kind of an emotional idiot.

Then there are people out there who are truly uncaring assholes. People who if they don't have anything nice to say, they'll just say the least nice thing they can possibly think of. Fuck 'em. Try not to let them get to you. Peace.

Ken

HEy CF...They are ALL full of shit!

I live in a shit-hole owned by a multi-gazillionaire who owns horse farms, mansions, chalets in the mountains. He could not give a crap about the fact that they bamboozled me on the energy bills in this house. "PAY ME!" That's all i get from them. Yet they have Obama signs and stickers...and love the earth and save the whales and save the kittens and the abused doggies in their portfolio of benevolence.

ALL the beautiful people around here who claim to save the whales and bunnies and hump your mother earth crap...oh and have Obama stickers coming out their asses have all ganged-up to get the town to buy the little college that was recently abandoned in town. WHY? Why would they want the town to buy the college? Because its THE perfect home for the recovering addict boys home that needs that campus SO SO badly.

They want to keep out the Boys Home...kids from 10 on-up who have been abused and turned to suicide attempts, drugs, alcohol, etc. The beautiful people who care about sad-looking mangy puppies and kittens DO NOT want recovering boys in their town.

So not only do people NOT CARE about abused boys and the men they become, but they willingly turn their back on them and shit!