I saw this on youtube yesterday and I have not been able to get my mind off of it. Its a short film that advocates that the Christian response to being physically abused is to stay with the abuser, even (especially?) when you have little kids.

Its pretty graphic in the portrayal of abuse. I looked around for some background on this film, but all I could find was a couple other people confused by it and a stage-mom site where the parents of the actors were patting each other on the back.

I'm not asking if God really asks people to stay with their abuser. I'm sure he doesn't. But in this day and age are there really Christians who think that is the right thing to do? The mere existence of this film is just abhorrent to me.

****triggering for depiction of physical violence to children as well as abusive language****
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C09IQVri7BY

God can change anyone, but the person has to want to change for real. How many times do we hear stories of abuses of any stripe saying "it will never happen again?" and how many times does it happen again? I do not believe God wants any of us to stay in a place where we are not safe, and sometimes cutting someone off is the push they need to really seek His help. It does not mean we cannot take them back into our lives later. I have seen the change for real with members of my own family, but only after I stood up, said no more, and left their lives till they took a good look at themselves and really did change.

By the way, God also changed me. He led me to people who showed me I was not created for abuse, and that I was not beyond God's love either. Those things abuse had taught me, and they were lies I no longer believe.

Hmm. I still think its unacceptable to be teaching parents that they should send their children back into an abusive household.

I totally agree.

My family moved to live with my grand parents when I was 4. My grandfather was a perp. To her credit, my mother moved us out the day after she had that figured out. How did she figure it out? I was becoming like the boy Dibs, in the book: Dibs, In Search of Self.

http://www.amazon.com/Dibs-Search-Self-Virginia-Axline/dp/0345339258/

Puffer

First of all God would never want someone to stay in an abusive relationship. The problem people forget is the equally yoked part. If a person who is a believer is married to a non believer the non believer is not under the same covenant . They will go on living life as they choose . Most people do not understand that if God did not bring the marriage together than people by their own choices bring about a marriage that was never meant to be in the first place .

A woman is to follow her husband as he follows Christ if at some point he is not following Christ than she is in no way suppose to follow him. If he is starting to be abusive than even if that means separating until he gets it right. If it involves sexual abuse than she would have to protect her children. God does not believe in divorce but that is for marriages that he has put together .

A marriage that He puts together will last because they understand that God is the Center of not only their marriage but the center of EVERYTHING . How can a marriage fail when God is in fact the center of it all? . Not just when it is convenient but the center all the time. A marriage built on Godly principals and a Godly man leading there is no way the marriage will fail .
If he is in the Spirit and is being led by The Spirit than he will discern when the marriage is in trouble and take action .

People get so confused about marriage 2 non believers that get married are not under the same rules so to speak they are just 2 lost people trying to make a Covenant work in a way it was never designed and when it fails inevitably than they want to bring God into the picture and say well God does not believe in divorce , it is plain lunacy .

God had nothing to do with the marriage in the first place . People put to much on God and not enough accountability on themselves for placing themselves in positions and situations and circumstances that God had nothing to do with at all to begin with.

Post disclosure to my wife, post attacks from online phonies who enjoyed manipulating lives remotely, during my unbearable first six-months of attempted healing as an adult...Me and my wife went to a few Christian marriage counsellors; None of whom had "ANY IDEA how to deal with a husband who was sexually abused as a child." I'm not kidding there...no hyperbole in the slightest.

Eventually, we applied to "be accepted" into marriage counseling at Pastoral Counseling in the near-by city. Gee...they had "never really dealt with THIS before, but maybe we can figure some things out."

BTW: this was years 2007-8, not 1822.

The director of the very posh and wealthy institute...(Christian Institute mind you) charged us about $200/hr to learn from us.

For some reason, the main focl point was "women, be obedient your husband, for he is..."

The Director PhD, who never opened nor closed a single meeting in prayer...never referenced the Holy Bible, only came up with "I really don't see how you could possibly be compelled by that Biblical convention in this circumstance (speaking to my wife). This is clearly an exceptional situation and you are not 'biblically obligated' as a wife normally would be"

Yeah...and every single (no hyperbole again) encounter I've have with ANY church in my area and other regions of the nation, have been the same.

Thou art a FREAK!!!!!! Just....just ... sit in the back and don't touch anything.

When we were very active in our very local, small church in town here, our phone and email would never stop hopping with requests for material; usually cars, money...furniture....money...cars....gas cards...money....oh and umm..money.

As soon as I disclosed the CSA to my deacon, any request WE had for help went fully unaddressed or scorned right off the bat.

So I don't listen to ANYTHING a human has to say about marriage and or CSA survival.

Humans are what they are. Don't ever expect otherwise.

Don't trust another human to be anything other than what he is. Because he may be Christian, don't expect super-human behavior or wisdom. He is just a human.

Trusting ANY man above human limitation is putting "faith" in him. Putting faith in anyone other that God and Son and the Spirit is a destiny to destruction.

Jacob & all -

i didn't watch the video - i couldn't. but from the description, i think i am not judging too harshly in my assessment below. and unfortunately, Still, the reactions you have received are all too common, too. i think Jesus had a couple of things to say about people who call themselved by His name but whose actions and teachings are inconsistent or contrary to his spirit:

"Why do you call me Lord, and do not do the things that I say?"

"By their fruits you shall know them."

Lee

That never fails to piss me off beyond reason.

Yeah, my mother was completely obedient to her husband. To the point where she refused the challenge him for raping her sons. To the point where she would watch him beat us to a pulp. Obedience my ass.

I didn't watch the entire video either. I started, but stopped a short while in. Skipped to the end and saw the soppy "We forgive you" ending. Yeah Right. I think the person who made that video must be a wife-beater. No one else could possibly take that stance...

When we got married in 1985, our priest (Anglican) was horrified when I refused to say the "obey" vow, he had never been asked to remove it before. I stood my ground and it was removed for the marriage service. My husband suppoerted me right through all the negotiations. My feeling was that any church or belief system that included it was not worth marrying us. I must say most weddings that I have attended lately do not include it.

They can all go pound sand IMO. The courts have NO regard for vows...none at all. The vows are apparently empty. It was a divorce I never wanted and morally object to in the most severe volume. For my children at least, there should have been no divorce allowed.

Now the kids are damaged and both adults are radically damaged.

It was all so stupid.

I was dropped like a French rifle.

I watched the video... terribly dangerous and misleading for those in a similar situation... and do churches exist in the US today that would expect their women to succumb to a husband's abuse - yep. There are. Just a bad, bad, bad, bad video.

And Still, ask me sometime of my experience with a Christian Counselor...

Angels.