it is happening again today. those who have been around for the past year have seen my periodic panics every time another "child protection" seminar come up. we are required to attend these several times a year by our school - to be aware of, prevent, intervene and report suspected abuse among our students. i don't do well with them - lots of triggers, though usually the fears and anticipation leading up to it are worse than the actual event. but this time there has been a change of personnel. someone new will be leading. that brings up a different kind of anxiety. like the old saying - "better the devil you know than the devil you don't know." at least the other guy - even though he was an insensitive jerk - was familiar - i knew what to expect. now it is a whole new ball game. you'd think i'd learn, but here i am again with the butterflies in the stomach and all the rest of it.
i am better equipped this time. i can do this... i hope.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho