Can I look upon you, my God Jehovah(the personal name of God)?
I am afraid to look upon you my God, so terrible in power, angered by hypocrisy and selfishness, I am full with these, broken as I am from the abuse, the shame and the guilt of acts I was powerless to avoid. I long to be as those who truly see you, empowered by oneness of thought, feeling and action, absolutely convinced of their relationship, of their salvation and eternal reward with You, dear Jehovah. The Father to billions, invested as you are in the success and well being of each and everyone of us, punishing the error of sins without repentance, yet forgiving heinous acts because of faith and correction of thoughts and feelings. As I lift my gaze upwards towards your heavens, and see with my spirit eye the vision of Ezekiel, I gasp from the sheer weight of guilt and selfishness. Never was I able to see what is beautiful, that which is be adored or that would bring me such joy. In my mind's eye I pass through the clouds, through the layers of the sphere and into space. Your throne, your radiance, your angels that minister, looking upon me as I float past, this impudent human, so broken and yet so persistent, daring to peer into the face of God.
"I have found YOU!" I dare exclaim inside myself, your radiant brilliance fills my entire vision. Thousands of angels surround You, the golden wheels of your chariot a thousand thousand meters high, a wheel within a wheel, eyes within the rims, swiftly carrying You to Righteous decisions. A sheet of glass, or a force suspends Your terrible yet beckoning throne above these wheels, Your power sustains the movement of this wonderful chariot, until I, in fear and trembling, frozen in reverence and awe, my eyes, under their own power, or Yours dear Jehovah, are pulled to Your throne.
The Throne of God.
How can I describe that which mortal man should never see? How does brilliant fire and lightning come to be used as the legs, seat and back of such a glorious throne. As if looking into eternity, I find myself gazing past the Son of Man in his glory and power, into an appearance of earthly man, but how can it be, as if He was made from bows of rain on a cloudy day, and terrible brightness, into the Glory of Jehovah God.
How can I describe the feeling of paralysis upon me? Upon my face I have fallen, lifeless limbs, useless to me, are urged to lift me up in proper reverence to my Almighty God. I hear the voice of thunderous tumult, the great and fear inspiring voice of my God, willing my legs and arms to support me, I began to be filled with spirit, to life myself up.
He began to speak to me.