Okay- so I know this is weird- but I just remembered something and I kind of want it affirmed or de-bunked before I bring it up to my beloved to ask his T about. My dearest has a hard time with this whole thing because his memories are really foggy or not there- and the person accused denies it all. There were a few moments where his abuser said some weird stuff. One year he called my BFs ex wife a whiny bitch at a holiday dinner, this Thanksgiving he called me a bony a** (crickets would have seemed like sirens at that moment- so awkward), and when they were camping- they being my BF and his folks and a cousin and his wife- he and his cousin were joking around and his cousin made a joke about him being a handsome guy and his perp. said something to the effect of "watch it, he's mine" (as a "joke" but it totally gives me the shivers). I think this is solid proof of the pedophile getting jealous of the people the victim is close to. He's still trying to have control over him- it points a HUGE finger at the guilty party. It just hit me like a ton of bricks! Does this have any merit? I've been trying to find instances online and in the book I have, but no good. Thoughts? Should I even bring it up? Would I be over-stepping my bounds?

Sorry but I think it is too thin even though you are probably right. I see that "joke" as being too common to use it.

Really? It turned my stomach when I heard it. My father would NEVER say such a thing. I also don't know a father who would. I do see your point though.

So this will turn your stomach even more. And this is just my opinion. I don't see them as being the jealous types. (on average) I see them more likely to share.

My BFs offender isn't the type to do that. Thank God.

Hi Kal
Remember that That rape is all about Power, not love. The pervert is trying to threaten and intimidate, he is not in love with your BF. The problem with confrontation is that you never get the answer that you want, and often this can set the Survivor back. It is best if you try to limit contact with the offender at this stage till your BF gets to a place where he is stronger and happier.
I could walk into a room with all my perpetrators right now and have no ill feelings toward them. I have reclaimed my life.

The focus right now should be your Boyfriend and his recovery, not trying to find proof that this happened. That you will never find. Watching him act out is proof enough that he was abused. If he believes it encourage him to talk about it, encourage him with the guidance of a T to talk abut what happened.
Dont be distracted by anything other than his recovery, And yours. Dont forget that you too need help through this, Join AlAnon or CODA and get some support for yourself. Being a supporter can be so emotionally draining, and when you are down and out, his recovery will also suffer.

Heal well
Martin

Well there was no rape thank the Lord, but yes I know that. His offender is his father so "in love"- I should hope not. There wouldn't be a confrontation- more like just a mentioning if anything just to let him know that I saw weird things too and he's not crazy and he isn't ripping his family apart for no good reason. That's kind of how he feels right now.

I probably won't bring it up at all. Just let it ride and let the universe do the unveiling of the truths that will come in due time. I do already attend AL-ANON meetings and have for a while and I have the book. I'm doing quite well. I just ask questions on here so I can be better for him. :-) Thanks for all of the input.

You are a good Las. Keep going