A couple days ago I realized suddenly, emotionally, that my mom was attracted to me when I was a kid. She'd pat me on the butt, even when I protested she stop.
Incest runs in the family, my cousin molested me, and my mom admits to being molested by her older sister (and possibly her father). I wonder if the blurry boundaries of incest impacted her enough that she was sexually attracted to me, but never acted on it. I DID recognize a covert emotionally incestuous relationship between her and I a couple years ago, which brought me here.
But never before a couple days ago did I ever contemplate that maybe my mom was sexually attracted to me. It just emotionally resonates when I ponder on it. It's gross and disturbing.
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM