I can't make this to long as everyone is gone to church here at home and I don't want to be here when they get back. I am heading back to school.

I am struggling with how this weekend has gone, my family knows about me being bi - I told them years ago and when I mentioned I was dating a guy on Friday evening to my parents - I felt as if I crossed a line that has never been there before.

Whats worse my sister and her husband were over Saturday and it continued - Over this weekend the home I have known just evaporated and I have felt like an intruder all weekend.

I also retreated to my room Friday night and Saturday to see a bout talking with friends here but I began to realize that I must come off like a know it all here and I wanted to apologize to everyone for the impression that I know it all in the chat room.

Has anyone ever came out to their parents as being bi or gay and was accepted but then later it was not ?

I am really struggling now as my own father felt more comfortable hanging around with my brother in law than with me over the weekend.

I have always had a really good relationship with my dad, my brother in law I had forgiven him for what happened when I was 12 - I just feel like who I am to them both has changed now.

Hey my friend I'm sorry to hear that you felt like that at your home.
It is terrible hurtful if we are not fully heard and accepted by our closed family members
In any case please don't rush with some conclusions, maybe it was day like that or maybe there is some deeper misunderstanding.
Some personal things should be kept for ourselves if there is no much support. Please look how to protect self as feelings of betrayal could be very triggering and difficult to handle.

My father was always good and supportive man however I've grown without really connection with him as he was mainly busy and absent during my childhood.
So couple years ago I was in shock when I found that basically he never used to know me and that he has limited capacity for some my emotional needs.
I'm still working on acceptance of such situation and I'm very unhappy about it sometimes. But that is how are the things and I can't do much to change it.
Keep searching for answers about your parents!

Be well!


Pero

Hi there Weary Traveler,

((((((((Wearytraveler)))))))))

I am so proud of you for coming out bi. It isn't easy to accept truths about our sexual orientation. Congratulations.

first:
I wasn't in chat with you, but we all make mistakes. No big deal, I intimately know the taste of shoe leather, just don't let it keep you from the relationships here that can help you sustain yourself. Good Luck with that.

Second: Parents are funny. It was one thing for my parents to have compassion for me when I was 15 and their friends explained that a predator had been having his way with me since I was 14. It was quite another to "accept" my proclaiming I was gay. My mother asked me if I was "in love" with the family friend who molested me, when I said yes, I became the source of shame and ridicule as they blamed me for being molested.

My family has never accepted it to my way of thinking. They have tried to love me, in their own way. They greeted my disclosure of sibling incest with denial. They greeted my gay relationships with disapproval. I have one brother who won't let me have a relationship with his family at all. My other brother doesn't talk to me except very rarely. Most of my family communications are extremely formal.

Over time and in therapy I have learned that if condemnation and ridicule and shame are the fruits of this relationship, then maybe distance is a good thing. I used to try to force their hand and demand to be treated equally with the others and complain about how I was cast off or excluded.

Today I live MY LIFE. I don't seek their approval, and don't court their involvement. I am kind, warm, call from time to time, and try to let them know that I love them. I make damn sure I don't let myself NEED anything from them because they really can't give me what I want. Their love comes with expectations about my behavior and requirements for my sexual identity that I can't fulfill even though I wanted to.

I spent 7 years married to wife #1, I spent 4 years married to wife #2 until I finally realized that no matter what I did I would never be straight enough, good enough or enough for my family to accept me the way I thought I deserve.

I learned in therapy to let it all go.

It was hard, but I finally got there.

Good Luck.

Geoff


I caution you on your interactions with your father. Search your feelings and discuss with a T before putting your hand on the stove. I frequently begged my father for love and affection, and when it was not forthcoming I found myself despondent and even suicidal. I suggest you discuss your feelings without involving him at the moment..
Good Luck.
G