Trigger warning:

This is a place to vent and unload. Please use all the help you can get from it.

My first abuse was when I was 5 yrs. a 13 year old boy sodomized my 7 yr old sister in front of me than tried to do me.

The family moved away after my dad talked to his parents.

That sister and I played with each others parts after that.

And I found dads porn mags.

I wouldn't go pee in first grade because some older boys had stood on the toilet to watch me pee. So I peed my pants some time that year.

When we moved and I started at a new school I was in 5th grade and the older boys asked me if I was gay "and of course I was Happy so I said YES". never lived that down.

Thankfully I went to a different high school than most of that group.

As a teenager one of my sisters boy friends was Bi and one night I had to sleep in his bed with him and never having to share a bed with anyone and being a teenager I had a hard-on so he took advantage of the issue by lubing up his legs and balls and told me that if I humped this balls that it would be close to what it felt like to do a girl.

Mom and Dad got a divorce when I was 17 and I stayed with my Dad.
Dad and I went an a trip and we had to share a bed and hard-on again but rather than not noticing it dad gave me a hand job.

Back home things ramped up 69ing, showering, sleeping together, and penetration Watching porn together sucking each other off.
This lasted for about a year and a half we both knew that it wasn't right and we shouldn't be doing it but we still did. He even showed and coached me on f---ing a cow. This I were it gets hard and confusing he was never abusive or demanding, I think that we became best friends and lovers. I had a girlfriend at some time and he remarried but that marriage didn't last long.
He moved back in with me after that marriage ended. We started doing things again.

I broke up with girlfriend and joined the Army.

Fast forward 5 yrs married that girlfriend. Been married for 20 yrs. wife had hysterectomy and midlife what little sex drive that she had reduced to once every 2-3 months.

I get did a couple MSM adventures. And became HIV+ still married for now.

I think that I don't really see me Dad as an abuser.