Today I see the T again. Once a week. And the apprehension is building. I read some threads that talked about the inner child and how to be free was to set the "kid" free and let him know I am there to protect him. When my T can't find words to help she often refers to the inner child. And says I should say I am sorry to the little guy for his hurt and abuse and that I can take care of him now. Or things a long that line.
I was only 4 when it started. It wasn't my job to protect myself. And how can I tell him-the inside me- that I will now protect him when I am the adult who was assaulted. I just feel like... I don't know... what do I feel? Maybe one of you guys will read this and tell me what I am looking for, cause I sure don't know today. I said last week that I felt damaged, broken. How, she says? How? You're not broken. Well, guess the f bomb what? I am broken. My heart and my spirit are now broken and thats why I am here. I am broken. Stop telling me what I am or what I should be. I am broken and I am trying to mend on my time, like soon. And please allow me to express how I feel without being corrected.. Even if she is good and kind and honest, I still hate going for therapy. It's hard work. It makes one vulnerable. And that's scary in and of itself.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.