Newest Members
rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms, Anony_mous, Drew6991x
12367 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bluesky (44), Brother B+ (48), emal7717 (53), estuardo (52), kwf777 (56), LeeAnne (30), mapleleafsn (52), otherside (61), ronnie (59), Scott1962 (52), thrive-n-survive (42), tom3065 (36)
Who's Online
5 registered (aniceguy, Dave PNW, Greg56, 2 invisible), 11 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12367 Members
74 Forums
63563 Topics
444102 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#426707 - 02/27/13 10:06 PM Article ***TRIGGERS***
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I have issues with bullies, as I consider the four perps to have been just that --- bullies.

MS has a connection of some type with the GoodMen Project (an online magazine). There's yet another article I felt I need to bring over. Its not the most dramatic, the deepest in content or most likely to win an award. Its just about a little boy who didn't make it. Here's the link.


Here's the boy:
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#426712 - 02/27/13 10:46 PM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Heartbreaking story, Still. I appreciate you for bringing the article over. Again, its just heartbreaking. Bullies destroy lives. And it is a trigger for something I think not so often of. I was bullied for most of my childhood and I know its one of the reasons I became such an easy target for the CSAs. A loner, etc. Hell, when I think about it, and I am right now, I carried that behavior of aloneness into adulthood. It set me up for the ASA.

Regardless of that, when we see bullies of any age pushing others around physically or verbally in our neighborhoods and stores, in our schools, etc., we owe it to this family and to ours to say...."whoa there, my friend. You may wish to take a deep breathe before you say something you might not wish to say..." I've done that often in my job. Often. And I know it made a difference in a lot of lives. A little love goes a long way. A long way. Thanks again for sharing this article.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



Top
#426714 - 02/27/13 11:41 PM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
The word "bully" pisses me off, it's such a diminishing, minimizing term. "Bully" is just a word that society forces people under 18 years old to call their muggers, stalkers, sexual harassers, and terrorists.

I got it bad... for years... chances are the CSA gave me some response / attitude issues that made me a more obvious and "rewarding" target.

I hated them so much I would masturbate to the thought of killing them. I'd bring knives to school occasionally, with the full intent of killing them if they messed with me that day, only to have them not mess with me that day. I wouldn't want to go to jail but I know that I could spend a hundred years in prison and never feel one second of regret for snuffing out their utterly worthless and disposable subhuman nonlife.

It's the worst, darkest part of me, and on this much at least I have given up hope of therapeutic recovery. Denial is recovery enough. When I make the mistake of real recall, I get so caught up in hate that I "lose myself" and find after a few moments I've been pacing around and shaking and twitching my arms, "in tune" with the "action" of how they're being tortured and killed inside my head. I've never forgiven them, never will, and there is no extent - repeat, NO EXTENT - of imaginable revenge or suffering that I would consider to be too far or too bad for them or their entire families.

I'm not proud of this, but I am truthful. This is what it did to me.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#426721 - 02/28/13 01:10 AM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I submitted this as a reply yesterday, but they are not posting it for some reason. Its greatly written to the zero-reaction it has drawn from the readers, as such apathy is rampant for the all little guys like Ty, us, you...me - throughout the world. The bully victim seems to be looked at as...not such a big deal.

But nothing is wrong here --- on this planet. Nothing wrong at all, right? Children? Children killing themse....fk! I refuse to even say that.

How dare you mess with my night of watching spring training in Florida? Hey! The cable works. The TV is fairly new and my beer is cold! How dare you ruin that? No one wants to hear about people ... children like this.

I can change the channel and MAKE the bad stuff go away! Push the button like this and BAM! The sad is gone and I’m watching something portant like Emeril or Ellen!

People don’t care! Nobody cares about causes that will never come there way! If I don’t look at it, it does not exist. So please...take your horror show elsewhere madam...we don’t recognize such things here.

This is America! Land of sliced bread, erection medicine and entire machines that examine yer foot in the pharmacy to see which Doctor Scholl’s insert is right for you.

Do you honestly believe that a society that has foot computers in pharmacies has not already taken care of any problems children can possibly have?

So don’t you come round here trying to make us all feel bad...like that one guy whose claiming “the sky is falling....run fer yer lives...Child Sex Abuse is rampant in America! We have to DO something!!!!” Yeah right pal...good luck with that. I hear he didn’t even get a stupid little ordinance past that keep the mo-lesters outta the playgrounds.

Now if you’ll excuse me; I have a Penn State game to watch.


Edited by Still (02/28/13 01:13 AM)
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#426726 - 02/28/13 02:34 AM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Still,

You have a strong and unique way of channeling your pain into very poignant words. Well said.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#426728 - 02/28/13 03:16 AM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Awesome.

I guess people don't want to be made to feel guilty for refusing to do something about an issue that doesn't directly affect them...
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

Top
#426787 - 02/28/13 05:45 PM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
They (GMP) refuse to post my reply. They never explain why, but was I off-base with it?

Your comment is awaiting moderation.
But nothing is wrong here — on this planet. Nothing wrong at all, right? Children? Children killing themse….fk! I refuse to even say that.
How dare you mess with my night of watching Spring training in Florida? Hey! The cable works. The TV is fairly new and my beer is cold! How dare you ruin that? No one wants to hear about people … children like this.
I can change the channel and MAKE the bad stuff go away! Push the button like this and BAM! The sad is gone and I’m watching something portant like Emeril or Ellen!
People don’t care! Nobody cares about causes that will never come there way! If I don’t look at it, it does not exist. So please…take yer little horror story elsewhere madam…we don’t recognize such things here.
This is America! Land of sliced bread, erection medicine and entire machines that examine yer foot in the pharmacy to see which Doctor Scholl’s insert is right for you.
Do you honestly believe that a society that has foot computers in pharmacies has not already taken care of any problems children can possibly have?
So don’t you come round here trying to make us all feel bad…like that one guy whose claiming “the sky is falling….run fer yer lives…Child Sex Abuse is rampant in America! We have to DO something!!!!” Yeah right pal…good luck with that. I hear he didn’t even get a stupid little ordinance past that keep the mo-lesters outta the playgrounds.
Hey got something for those kids who can’t handle life to try: “GET OVER IT!”
Now if you’ll excuse me; I have a Penn State game to watch.
- See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog...#comment-464589
Read more at http://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog...DzPrJK8LrkxL.99


Edited by Still (02/28/13 05:52 PM)
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#426792 - 02/28/13 07:05 PM Well Bully For Us! [Re: Still]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
"Now if you’ll excuse me; I have a Penn State game to watch."

I admit I laughed pretty hard at this part not because the subject matter is funny but because your hyperbolic description of our national stance on bullying was as hilarious as it was damning. Due to its acute observations and the sensitive nature of the article I am guessing the mods may remove it. I do want to thank you, however, through your words my raw feelings were able to find utterance.

As to this thread allow me first to say SoccerStar is spot on. Language matters and when it comes to the term bully I definitely agree there is a glaring need for elaboration before any meaningful counter can be measured. It's too general and just as SoccerStar pointed out not specific enough to the actual behavior. Additionally, by using titles instead of descriptions we open the situation up to the possibility that a "bully" child will identify himself/herself as such possibly adopt the mindset or even feel empowered by it.

Moreover, let me point out this kid stood up for himself and then was punished for it. I am not advocating violence as a solution or implying teachers/parents are privy to who is or is not the aggressor in each case but seriously is zero tolerance really the best response we can come up with? I only knew one "bully" in my lifetime and he was a sociopath. He had his posse of fall guys who he routinely used to get away with all kinds of anti-social behavior. He even managed to trick a boy with down syndrome into peeing into a heat vent, for which the boy was severely and promptly punished. Worst of all, was a time when a few guys and I wrote, signed, passed around, and presented to the teacher a petition attesting to his behavior and specifically to something he had orchestrated (he would love to see me use that word to describe it) that got the entire 8th grade class in serious trouble. The teacher told us it was out of his hands. It turns out his parents got him out of a lot of hot water over the years via the principal never once stopping to consider if he was actually responsible for the heat turning up.

Children learn a lot more than what is taught to them in the textbooks. I think we all learned to shut up about his behavior, take our lickings whenever he earned them for us, and never stand up for ourselves for fear of reprisal from both him and the administration. We all had to sit in alphabetical order for the rest of the year because this guy got a few schmucks together for a prank on the teacher. Before that I sat next to the cutest girl in my class. It was not until I was much older that I learned collective punishment, while okay for eight graders, is illegal under the Geneva Convention.

I just wish this kid could have survived to a time when both he and the world became just a little bit bigger. It is a tragedy we must come face to face with in order resolve. Thanks Still for reminding me of something that matters!
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

Top
#426795 - 02/28/13 07:17 PM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
I moved a lot and could spot a bully from far away. I always enjoyed the bully experience when I arrived in a new school, I always made an example out of them so others would leave me alone. Sometimes this worked, sometimes not.
I had to take being beaten by adults, I did not fear my peers. I always felt very protective of my friends, was always one of the 'weird' kids, played sports and did not care about the social stigma of standing up to bullies or the fear of standing up to them alone.
I had to take much abuse from others based on things that were outside my control; like behavior of 'parents' for lack of a more convenient term.
Bullying is a major problem and always has been, certainly was for me. I agree about previous experiences marking us for abuse. I also know the negative consequences from having to act out like that over and over again and using the anger, aggression as tool, learning how to use it. It has saved my life before and it all comes from that little kid that decided during a beating at 4 that he would not cry again. I did not until I was 21 years old, in the military and was holding one of my friend's mother in my arms because her son had almost been killed, as she was crying and saying things in a language I couldn't understand.
It hurts me to core and takes me right back to that scared kid I was to hear stories like this. I think my abuse made me hypersensitive to abuse and bullying like that.
It has always bothered me to see kids,people, anyone- get beaten up because they were poor, didn't look like other people, had crazy parents, etc. I had to fight many times because of things people said, or because I was new, looked different, didn't have any friends or help. I also had terrible things to deal with at home at the same time. Such a pressure cooker.
I know there are many of us who acted out due to abuse, were harassed for it by our peers, and acted out again in one way or another. I know that I was punished and demonized for defending myself. Much of my acting out in general was the result of abuse. The consequences for allowing bullying to continue are dire and the fact that some kids are bullied can point to greater problems in those kids lives, that is clear by what I have read and experienced in my life.


Edited by Zug (03/01/13 12:18 AM)
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


Top
#426796 - 02/28/13 07:55 PM Re: Article ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Publius
Children learn a lot more than what is taught to them in the textbooks. I think we all learned to shut up about his behavior, take our lickings whenever he earned them for us, and never stand up for ourselves for fear of reprisal from both him and the administration. We all had to sit in alphabetical order for the rest of the year because this guy got a few schmucks together for a prank on the teacher. Before that I sat next to the cutest girl in my class. It was not until I was much older that I learned collective punishment, while okay for eight graders, is illegal under the Geneva Convention.


Do you remember learning that 1) pecking-orders exist, and 2) where you always seemed to land in said order? I don't intend this as an instant cliche, but my place in the order was cast in iron, in 1968. Inertia is real and its not restricted to objects. (God that hurts to reflect upon)

Quote:
I just wish this kid could have survived to a time when both he and the world became just a little bit bigger. It is a tragedy we must come face to face with in order resolve.


I'm having a very hard time with this kid. Its a pain that I've not seen in any others (arm's length). When a child goes missing, is murdered, is raped, I fall to pieces and stay there for a long time. I've worked on this for the past 20 years as my Ex thought I has serious "issues" surrounding empathy. I'm still not over Etan Patz and I likely will never be.

This boy "Ty..." I can't handle it. I can't handle him, and I can't handle that angels die and demons live-on. That it was by his own hands only serves to multiply the grief.

Hey hunn...change the channel please, Still is yapping again.


Edited by Still (02/28/13 08:04 PM)
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.