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#426569 - 02/26/13 02:30 PM brave face
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon
I pasted this up from chat because I want to figure out how to navigate the system and get also get more feed back[Jolly Giant] 4:37 am: Hi I put a letter to the editor under the introductions but it was a coming out as an abused person letter to the public and put on a brave but heartbreaking face. What it does not capture is how much of an
emotional roller-coaster I am on and how much I need compassion validation, caring, and trust. I am getting that from my women friends and my partner. To tell the truth I keep calling the suicide line and pretend everything is
OK I want to die. My father raped me twice when I was about 10 and molested me for many years.
[Jolly Giant] 4:45 am: My brothers were bullies and cruel and molested me sadistically. When I was young i did self harm cutting my feet and getting them infected and was hospitalized. My Father raped me in the hospital He
raped me at a fourth of July party and I tried to drown myself.For a long time I lit fires mainly in trash cans for years and I felt responsible whenever someone was violently hurt as if I was the one who did it. This is because of the shame of my father and
the remorse I felt around it.
[Jolly Giant] 4:49 am: I have told everything to many people especially a co worker I have known for 18 years. I feel abandoned and distanced from her lately even though I have had the courage to talk with her. I work on a Warmline
and even my bosses wont talk about this stuff. I feel like an outcast.
[Jolly Giant] 5:01 am: This is more than it is fair for my partner to handle he is very perceptive and we have a difference in education and communication styles. He is so loving and caring and has been so physically and
emotionally abused growing up that it makes me cry to think about it. I treasure him. We are such touch me nots because of our abuse issues that we don't have sex . We are intimate emotionally and mentally and just like an
old married couple. We hug a lot and we gives kisses on the neck.

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#426601 - 02/26/13 07:24 PM Re: brave face [Re: Jolly Giant]
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon
Letter to the editor of the Daily Astorian
February 26, 2013
I strongly feel that my time has come to act in public as a role model for public discourse on this subject of childhood sexual abuse.
A recent Sports Illustrated article about the molestation of two prominent athlete’s quotes FBI statistics. One in ten men are sexual predators but only 3% of them are caught. They are usually a family member and male such as a father, uncle, or brother. One in five of us are most likely survivors of molestation as children. This it is a widespread tragedy not only for the survivors but also the sexual predators and their loved ones. There is incredible denial and dissociation involved.
My father was a prominent Idaho surgeon my mother was a lab technician and socialite. I was supported and nurtured by them throughout my parochial education and at Stanford University and Harvard Graduate School of Design. I have since been a peer specialist for 20 years.
What I have to say now is extremely difficult and wrenching for me but must be said. In one life shattering moment I confronted my father about his sexual violation of me as a child. Upon his admitting “Yes that he did it,” I immediately forgave him.
This trauma and his subsequent denial led to many years of mental health hospitalizations and my courageous returns to society only to be squelched by further denial and silence.
Given silence and incredible remorse that was so pervasive to me as a child with my father it is no wonder I acted out in self-mutilation and petty fire setting.
I am very loyal to the memory of my now deceased parents. To me the very last thought in my young mind was prison for any of my family. Last spring my brother’s denial of my childhood events lead to another hospitalization after which I was left with months of suicidal despondency.
We are slowly learning to overcome taboos about talking about both sexuality and incest. We can no longer afford one in ten men to be so demonized as to prevent the children from seeking help. My partner of 22 years and I have overcome many problems together resulting from our childhood sexual, emotional, and/or physical abuse that is seriously impacted our lives.
I am grateful to all my friends in the community and at the Woman’s Resource Center who have provided such strong support and help. I now have the courage not only to be open but also to be who I am. Out of gratitude to our community I have also served with Victory Over Child Abuse Camps.

Kerry

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#426692 - 02/27/13 04:24 PM Re: brave face [Re: Jolly Giant]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:23 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#440364 - 07/08/13 10:51 AM Re: brave face [Re: Jolly Giant]
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon
Thanks Geoff
I just rechecked the messages and found your advice which I missed earlier. Sorry. I will definitely get some therapy. It is hard to find a counselor here in Astoria that will work with me . The one at Mental Health tells me to breathe and be mindful and has cut off the service after a few sessions without me getting anywhere. I must be a better advocate for myself but I dont know quite where to turn exactly. If you read this do you have any suggestions? Thanks for all you do.
Kerry

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#440378 - 07/08/13 01:25 PM Re: brave face [Re: Jolly Giant]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:23 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#441778 - 07/22/13 05:30 PM Re: brave face [Re: Jolly Giant]
David Mac Offline


Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
Hey Kerry,

I am very sorry to read about the sexual abuse you experienced at the hands of your father. It is a very grievous thing and I am proud of you for confronting him and forgiving him. I wonder how things have worked out between the two of you since and how your relationship with your other family members is going.

Bodyguard's advice to seek therapy is good. I prefer the 12 step approach myself. I am looking for an alanon meeting in my area. Although there was no alcohol issues in my family, my father's sexual assault and his long term sexual addiction qualify me into an alanon room. I hope to find a sponsor with whom to work the 12 steps of recovery. Best of all, it's free, and I hope to make good friendships and aquintances. I will also go to s-anon, (survivors of those with sexual addictions,) but those rooms are usually full of the wives of sex addicts. It is a little more difficult to work the 12 step program there.

I hope the best for you. It isn't easy, but with the right support I think we'll make it just fine.

Mac

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