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#426567 - 02/26/13 02:21 PM I'm back (new and improved)
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
My brothers,

Please pardon my absence and brief departure from MS. I had to leave because I found myself being angry in my posts, becoming angry at supportive responses, and it didn't feel healthy, nor did I feel I had anything to learn or contribute.

I needed to go solo for a bit, not knowing why or how to address this anger I have carried.

I have searched for a deeper understanding of why I'm alive, and how to accept being alive without anger. I've spoken multiple times about the circumstances of my birth (I'm the product of a rape); born with both of my parents disabilities.

I grew up feeling victimized for simply being born, and for having the disabilities I had. I was an easy target for bullying, and for molestation because of these.

Suffice it to say, I grew up very unhappy.

I think I have found the 'remedy' for being angry for being born, and for feeling like a victim for simply being alive.

I have come across the "lovingkindness" meditation. For the last 2 weeks, every morning, I have been practicing this short meditation (guided by a youtube video). As a result of doing this every morning, I'm finding that the anger and resentment for being born, and the constant frustration and self judgment I've had of my disabilities, and life circumstances, is waning. It is becoming increasingly difficult to be angry at things I have had an easy time to get angry about.

I don't quite understand why, but there's a lot of science behind it. I stumbled upon it because a friend of mine shared a newspaper article about redefining what "love" means.

I'm happy to share the youtube link of the short meditation, as well as the online news article showing the science behind the lovingkindness meditation.

Onwards towards recovery.

D
_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#426568 - 02/26/13 02:25 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome back D, I can't say how happy I'm seeing you here smile
I missed you a lot and actually was thinking to send you PM today smile

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#426570 - 02/26/13 02:42 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
There are many paths. I'm glad* you found one that is working for you.

(*almost happy)

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#426576 - 02/26/13 03:12 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 425
Loc: OH
Welcome back Magellan I am happy to hear you discovered a meditation technique that helps with your anger, resentment, and other negative feelings. It is especially encouraging because meditation, as you already know, brings about an awareness and mindfulness that can help us work through our recovery. As inaccessible as a healing state of emotional equilibrium seems sometimes it is definitely an achievable goal and your update is a testament to that fact.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#426595 - 02/26/13 06:25 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
D! Go figure I was wondering (this morning, in fact) what had happend to you...lo and behold there you are. I'm so pleased you've found something that works for you.

{{{{{{{{{Magellan}}}}}}}}}}}

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#426596 - 02/26/13 06:44 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3520
Loc: somewhere in Africa
good to have you around again, D.
and so good to know you are in a much more positive state of mind.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#426611 - 02/26/13 09:30 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Glad you are here. I'm going to see that YouTube video.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#426619 - 02/26/13 10:17 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
Thanks for the greetings, everyone.

Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

I'm surprised that it seems to be just melting away my resentments. It's strange to walk around not being able to deliberately make myself angry at things I could easily do before.

I'm totally and completely sold on this practice. After almost 2 weeks. Highly recommend it for ANYONE who has anger or resentment issues.

D
_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#426620 - 02/26/13 10:21 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6607
Loc: FEMA Region 1
:-)
_________________________
Hell needs firewood too ya know!

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#426631 - 02/27/13 12:30 AM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
D

I just wanted to let you know I think of you everytime I go to my T.

His office is on Magellan St.

I'm glad you are back....for good I hope.

smile

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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