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#439932 - 07/03/13 04:50 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3330
Loc: O Kanada
just by reading the bible every day, and using the techniques described therein, i have made more progress in my recovery and healing in the last 2 years than i did in the previous 35 years of therapy and drugs.

that is all i need to know.

i try my best to be the best person i can be by following the 10 commandments of the old testament and the 2 commandments of the new testament.

this has only had positive results.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2551#Post432551

if people don't want to get better and want to avoid, attack, or ridicule those that do, then they are trapped in their own abuse, as i was.

the truth will set you free.
freedom is a state of mind.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#445148 - 08/22/13 06:06 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I am finding that sometimes when I read something in scripture, what I get from it is entirely new each time. I like that, it helps me process all the stuff bubbling to the surface. I asked the Spirit if I could just skip looking at this latest thing, it's creepy and it hurts a lot...so let's just forget it. He asked me back: How well did ignoring it work out before? Told me to remember He is with me in this, and trying very hard to do that.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#446587 - 09/06/13 08:07 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Did that, faced a big thing, big for me anyway. Used in a porn movie as a kid. Only once that I know of and compared to some here who got used in many, I was lucky. My T told me when I started it is not a competition but I still know I'm lucky it was only one.

So now, I can't think of how it could get worse then that or what comes next. It sure does not hit me like it did before I walked through it in T and yeah, the Spirit was there with me.

Now I'm wondering, who or what am I? I am not who I was before. I was never what they told me I was, just good for "that" and nothing more. Was not what I heard at home, sometimes stuff like stupid lazy little bastard, go away and cry so I don't have to see you. But what now? I want so much to move on and work a real job, feel like I have a place in this world, in the normal world. Then again, everyone describes "normal" as different, so I don't even know what normal is for life. Maybe really it's just an illusion on the outside and different for everyone on the inside.

School would be great if I could get back but no way to pay for that, not now anyway.

I survive, and I am a SURVIVOR. What next God? I am hyper a lot, but will try to listen quietly for the answer. His answers come in His time, but He has gotten me this far, and the shadows no longer walk in my dreams.


Edited by BuffaloCO (09/06/13 10:42 PM)
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#446630 - 09/07/13 02:16 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3376
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
His answers come in His time, but He has gotten me this far, and the shadows no longer walk in my dreams.


this is priceless, Buffalo!
believing it for you - and me - and so many others.
thank you,
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#457237 - 12/22/13 03:25 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
On January 7th I will testify about my abuse and T before a group of about 160 guys at my church. I'm stepping out in a big way for the first time. I feel ready for this, a start in speaking in public. I already know several men in that group are still trapped in silence, so I'll speak for them and hope too that if anyone sees signs of abuse in any kid, they'll look into it. The only way for survivors to break the silence around boys and abuse is for some of us to speak out. God rescued me for a reason, many reasons, but this is one of them. I'm learning to deal with attacks on me too because of my faith, as I know THAT is what has brought me out of the darkness.

People want to hate us for believing in scripture, they can, it's not going to change who I am. It certainly won't change whose I am either. So moving forward! Prayers appreciated.

http://www.wrensworld.com/romairishbless.htm


Edited by BuffaloCO (12/22/13 04:08 PM)
Edit Reason: added poem
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#457241 - 12/22/13 05:43 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3330
Loc: O Kanada
my thoughts and prayers go with you.
if you allow god's will to manifest through you,
much good can be accomplished.
i am hoping for the same thing in my life.

from mark 13

“You must be on your guard. You will be handed over to the local councils and flogged in the synagogues. On account of me you will stand before governors and kings as witnesses to them.
And the gospel must first be preached to all nations.
Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit."

from Matthew 5

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled."
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

from matthew 10

"As you enter the home, give it your greeting.
If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet."

“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues.
On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles.
But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it.
At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."


that's a promise.
either it is true or not.
my experience is the experiment.
the proof is in the product.
the truth is in the consequences.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#458120 - 01/06/14 06:43 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Tomorrow I will be speaking in public about me, CSA and where I am now. I'll be speaking to two mens groups at my church, about 200 people maybe. I think I'm ready. I've written out what I'm going to say and practiced a lot.

When my counselor first met me, she suggested I pray to the Holy Spirit about her process. I did and I told him that if He promised this time it would work, as everything else had failed that I tried, then I promised to cooperate with the counselor and go where He leads me.

I believe now that He wants me to speak out, to help others, so I am. I'm nervous, but a promise is a promise. Prayers welcome.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#458129 - 01/06/14 09:13 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3330
Loc: O Kanada
i wish you all the best.
my prayers go with you.

god's will be done.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#458244 - 01/08/14 03:22 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
What an amazing day yesterday. I spoke to about 225 guys. They really supported me and took the message well, and my pastor said I did a good job even though I teared up a few times, stumbled over words here and there. I don't think this will be the last time, but it's one awesome beginning. Thanks for all of the support!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#458246 - 01/08/14 03:25 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3330
Loc: O Kanada
congratulations!
sounds like it was a positive experience for you,
which is what matters most.

i am glad it was a success!
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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