I have been married over 20 years and never understood my H need to spend all we had, not save money, or quit on businesses we built. We found out about 4 years ago. I don't really know what to say, I feel for you and venting is good. We are completely starting over again.......about 6th time, it is so HARD at times.
We have discussed keeping seperate finanaces, but I think that would just cause more difficulties, not sure.
Good Luck to you but remember to keep yourself safe and children if you have any, sometimes we have to take on the additional responsibilites for this reason. When I say safe, I mean your own sanity.