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#426406 - 02/25/13 10:48 AM Letter to the Editor about Abuse
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon

Letter to the editor of the Daily Astorian not published
February 22, 2013
I am an activist in the Astoria community and in the State of Oregon who has been happily married to a man for the last 22 years. I have served on many boards and organizations and give a substantial amounts to charities and attend church regularly. Together my partner and I have overcome many problems together resulting from childhood abuse that is seriously impacted our lives with mental health hospitalizations and/or addictions. We have enjoyed many years of recovery and happiness together.
I am honored to be writing in support of our openly gay City Council person who works with the Diversity Project and PFLAG much to his credit.
I am also honored to be writing a letter of support to my Transgendered friends who will be speaking next month at the Clatsop Community college. Sexuality and gender issues are clearly a spectrum of existence as individual to a human being as the character of our own faces and as Martin Luther King put it, “The Content of Our Character.”
I am honored to have served as past president of the former North Coast Pride Network and work for gay rights in Clatsop County. I have worked with such fine organizations as Basic Rights Oregon the Rural Organizing Project and support the Democratic Party.
I am much honored to have been of service to the Victory over Child Abuse camps.
I am especially honored to have had my father a prominent Boise surgeon from an even more prominent wealthy extended family. And to have had the care, nurturing, love, and support from my mother who was a lab technician, housewife, and former Seattle socialite.
I was supported by my parent’s throughout my parochial education in Boise and at Stanford University and Harvard Graduate School of Design. I have been a peer specialist for 20 years and I have graduated from Clatsop Community College and work as a Warmline Operator.
What I have to say now is extremely difficult and wrenching for me but must be said. In one life shattering moment I confronted my father about his sexual violation of me as a child and upon his admitting “Yes that he did it,” I then immediately forgave him.
This trauma and his subsequent denial led to many years of mental health hospitalizations and my courageous returns to society only to be squelched by further denial and silence.
A recent Sports Illustrated article about the molestation of two prominent athlete’s quotes FBI statistics. One in ten men are sexual predators but only 3% of them are caught. They are usually a family member and male such as a father, uncle, or brother. One in three children are most likely survivors of molestation. This it is a widespread tragedy not only for the survivors but also the sexual predators and their loved ones. There is incredible denial and dissociation involved.
Given the denial and silence that was so pervasive in my era and given the situation as a child with my father it is no wonder that circumstances led to my self-mutilation and petty fire setting from which I have suffered such incredible remorse.
I still love my now deceased parents intensely and would be loath to do anything to damage or defame them. I am loyal to my family and their memory .To me prison was the very last option in my young imagination for any of my family. Last spring my own brother’s denial lead to another hospitalization and with a crippling blood illness I was left with months of suicidal despondency. I have come to accept and love my family and in their human imperfections.
I strongly feel that my time has come to act in public as the salient role model for public discourse on this subject. We are slowly learning to overcome taboos about talking about both sexuality and incest. We can no longer afford 97% of the one in ten men to be so demonized and stigmatized as to prevent them and the children from speaking out and seeking help. Our abused must be a cared for in this very dysfunctional climate of abuse we live in.
As a Christian let me say the Jesus’ message of love and forgiveness is not one of condemnation but acceptance of all the people of this small lonely planet. There must be a groundswell of care and acceptance for all to occur and it will occur.
I hope this letter will make it easier for everyone to breathe and accept one another. I am grateful to all my friends in the community who have provided such strong support especially my friends at the Woman’s Resource Center. Through their support and help I now have the courage not only to be open but also to be who I am.



Kerry

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#426496 - 02/25/13 10:42 PM Re: Letter to the Editor about Abuse [Re: Jolly Giant]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:18 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#426500 - 02/25/13 10:57 PM Re: Letter to the Editor about Abuse [Re: bodyguard8367]
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon
Hi Geoff
Just a quick note of thanks This is my first time posting and it is good to hear from you. Best to you both
Kerry

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#426541 - 02/26/13 09:02 AM Re: Letter to the Editor about Abuse [Re: Jolly Giant]
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon
I pasted this up from chat because I want too figure out how to navigate the system and get also get more feed back[Jolly Giant] 4:37 am: Hi I put a letter to the editor under introductions but it was a coming out as an abused person letter to the public and put on a brave and heartbreaking face. what it does not capture is how much of an
emotional roller-coaster I am on and how much I need compassion validation, caring, and trust. I am getting that from my women friends and my partner. To tell the truth i keep calling the suicide line and pretend everything is
OK I want to die My father raped me twice and molested me for years.
[Jolly Giant] 4:45 am: My brothers were bullies and cruel and molested me sadistically When I was young i did self harm cutting my feet and getting them infected and was hospitalized. My Father raped me in the hospital He
raped me at a fourth of July party and I tried to drown myself I lit fires in trash cans for years and felt responsible whenever someone was violently hurt like I was the one who did it. This is because of the shame of my father and
the remorse I felt around it.
[Jolly Giant] 4:49 am: I have told everything to many people especially a co worker I have known for 18 years. I feel abandoned and distanced from her even though I have had the courage to talk with her. I work on a Warmline
and even my bosses wont talk about this stuff
[Jolly Giant] 5:01 am: This is more than it is fair for my partner to handle he is very perceptive and we have a difference in education and communication styles. He is so loving and caring and has been so physically and
emotionally abused growing up that it makes me cry to think about it. I treasure him. We are such touch me nots because of our abuse issues that we don't have sex . We are intimate emotionally and mentally and just like an
old married couple. We hug a lot and we gives kisses on the neck.

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#426602 - 02/26/13 07:25 PM Re: Letter to the Editor about Abuse [Re: Jolly Giant]
Jolly Giant Offline


Registered: 08/18/11
Posts: 7
Loc: Oregon
Letter to the editor of the Daily Astorian
February 26, 2013
I strongly feel that my time has come to act in public as a role model for public discourse on this subject of childhood sexual abuse.
A recent Sports Illustrated article about the molestation of two prominent athlete’s quotes FBI statistics. One in ten men are sexual predators but only 3% of them are caught. They are usually a family member and male such as a father, uncle, or brother. One in five of us are most likely survivors of molestation as children. This it is a widespread tragedy not only for the survivors but also the sexual predators and their loved ones. There is incredible denial and dissociation involved.
My father was a prominent Idaho surgeon my mother was a lab technician and socialite. I was supported and nurtured by them throughout my parochial education and at Stanford University and Harvard Graduate School of Design. I have since been a peer specialist for 20 years.
What I have to say now is extremely difficult and wrenching for me but must be said. In one life shattering moment I confronted my father about his sexual violation of me as a child. Upon his admitting “Yes that he did it,” I immediately forgave him.
This trauma and his subsequent denial led to many years of mental health hospitalizations and my courageous returns to society only to be squelched by further denial and silence.
Given silence and incredible remorse that was so pervasive to me as a child with my father it is no wonder I acted out in self-mutilation and petty fire setting.
I am very loyal to the memory of my now deceased parents. To me the very last thought in my young mind was prison for any of my family. Last spring my brother’s denial of my childhood events lead to another hospitalization after which I was left with months of suicidal despondency.
We are slowly learning to overcome taboos about talking about both sexuality and incest. We can no longer afford one in ten men to be so demonized as to prevent the children from seeking help. My partner of 22 years and I have overcome many problems together resulting from our childhood sexual, emotional, and/or physical abuse that is seriously impacted our lives.
I am grateful to all my friends in the community and at the Woman’s Resource Center who have provided such strong support and help. I now have the courage not only to be open but also to be who I am. Out of gratitude to our community I have also served with Victory Over Child Abuse Camps.

Kerry

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