May things become easier, better each day. I have seen since coming here that alcohol seems to play a large part for a goodly many as they deal with the reality of what has happened to them. I am no different myself. I hate that I do, but sometimes (often) the numbness is better than the pain. But it will get better. It will. You hang tough, keep reaching out. It will get better. I've read past posts from several years ago from these guys, and then postings done recently. It is obvious it gets better. And I have been alone since I was 46. So really, you are not alone. Nor am I. There are a multitude of guys here just like us.

Angels.
ps... Publius... I find your "Jefferson" letter is beautiful.

Thank you all for your support. My T is good and I trust her - first one in 4 tries. I think what upset me the most was the fear of what she will think when everything comes out. How can I justify not telling or the fact that I would return over and over and worse yet in the beginning I remember wanting it almost like a sick need. What does that say of me - I;m just so damn confused and scared right now but I must trust those that say it can get better. Thank you all.