01/14/2013

I HATE IT WHEN I WHINE
By JustNotRight

I want to cry, but don’t
I don’t want to feel, but I do
I drink to be numb, I’m over the rum
I don’t want to live, but I do
I hurt all the time
I suffer his crime
The pain is only mine

I hate when I whine

I want all to be fine
Perhaps if I dine
I’ve become larger than swine
If only I had a spine
I’d confront, but won’t
It’s useless I feel
He’d lie, cheat and steal
To avoid the truth, to his last tooth
I hate him for sure, if only there was a cure

I hate when I whine

I want to do my best, but fall short ‘cause my dad molest
I feel gross and quite vile
If only it would last a SHORT while
And be gone
I want to live well beyond
But robbed of so much
I need a crutch

I hate when I whine

I struggle from day to day
I haven’t the words to say
All that was right, has turned all gray
And no one speaks to me
‘cause I’m gay

I hate when I whine

Bad dreams are all that I have
I drink rum like it was a salve
I hate what I’ve become
While he thrives in his kingdom
I hate my dad more each day
It’s what makes me pre-maturely gray

I hope each and every day
He hears the haunt of what he did
The days he killed his kid
By molesting, is what he did
How am I to live
When all I have to give
Is pain and hurt and simple dirt
Some days I feel I should wear a shirt
That still won’t make it right
For the things he did, late at night

I hate when I whine

My cousin and he, should make a guilty plea
And rot – eternal in jail
I’m sure he’ll say he doesn’t remember
How he used a family member
To do what he liked
To a five-year old tike
And shared me, my cousin he liked

I hate when I whine

The cousin is long gone
Died from the sex that he’d done
AIDS got the guy
That played and then died
I hate that he’s gone but don’t know why
Images of both, my cousin and father as host
Having sex with me (and each other)
Torment me the most
I hate when I whine

I’ve had days I wished for a twin brother
So we could discuss each with the other
The trouble with living and hiding
All the while on inside I’m dying.
If only I had someone for confiding
I would spend less time “I’m good”
‘cause that’s lying.

I hate when I whine

All I want (right now) seems dumb
‘cause I only want to be numb
I guess I’ll have more rum
Good night
Don’t wake me
‘cause I don’t like me

I hate it when I whine

Justnotright.

Painful it was to read your poetry, your muse is dark indeed. You rhyme much better than I and play the stanzas off each other too. I storyboarded this tale in my head and see much that reminds me of my own past. I had a twin brother all my own, yet he was not as you say, he was more like your cousin.

I am so proud of what you wrote, it took such strength to share it here. I will listen patiently, just let me know if you need me.

G