Your words about social engineers and social cogs is exactly how I feel about 99% of therapists. I don't often bring it up because I don't want to be a discouragement to anyone who is being helped, but for me your words fit most of what I've experienced.
I agree that too many therapists think whether or not you have a job is the most important aspect of healing. I'm totally on board with you about the cog in society thing. I've met precious few who see the inherent value of a human life. But I have met a few. Had a good one for years. Don't have one now because the good ones are awfully hard to find. I'm not one to say its worth the search because I'm not actively searching right now myself, but they aren't all the same . . . just most of them.
For me, optimism is not false hope, it is just not prematurely closing myself off to the idea that something good could happen. For other people, it is a belief system and I do tend to pull away from people who expect that to work for everyone.
The activity levels on this board are weird to me. I'm used to video game culture message boards where if you post something, you'll get a response within 10 minutes. The responses on those sites are often flippant and shallow and anything this deep would be met with stupid jokes, but at least it is some kind of attention, even if it is hollow. Trying to readjust my expectations to the relative slowness of this board has been a challenge to not feel ignored. But in the end there is nothing magic about this board, and I have to remind myself that everyone is just doing their best. Its all about expectations. I've adjusted from expecting these boards to give me quick support to seeing these boards as a way to express myself, and any feedback is an added bonus but not a guarantee. That's not to say I don't appreciate the feedback -- I really really do. I just have to teach myself that I can't wait for the perfect reply before feeling good that I said my piece.
When I am really hurting, I write, write, write. It doesn't always help, but at least it is honest.
And yes, the pedophiles win. There is no guaranteed justice. I've been working on a poem about just that. Its not finished, but since you touch on exactly the same point I hope its OK if I share it here:
I saw the people in the pews
The ones who said they never knew
I saw the people choose to flee
when faced with what they would not see
God in the clouds, polishing his crown
Rats overflow the sewers, ravaging the town
God in his porch chair, watching all us sin
Will he judge the lazy for being just like him?
Look at the corrupt and we'd have to face
A life where the safest of buildings isn't safe
We'd rather pretend that the ones we trust are nice
Pay for that line with the children's sacrifice
Ok, those are my responses to everything you said. It probably doesn't make you feel any better. Its not really intended to. I just want to let you know a lot of what you said makes a lot of sense to me, but maybe connecting with other people who are unhealable is the whole point.
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone
just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.