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#426213 - 02/23/13 12:49 AM dodge-ball
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
someone mentioned childhood memories of playing dodge-ball in a discussion on another forum - how devastating an experience it had been for him. there was an adult event he was going to that was going to include that game and he was having a hard time with the idea and didn't know how to handle it. that brought up an old bad memory of mine that i hadn't thought of in a long time.

when i was 12(?) in scouts - we ended one meeting with a huge game of dodge-ball that they called "war" - played with basketballs. i was targeted - after having already been bullied in so many other ways - including s3xually. it seemed like every guy there launched an attack on me simultaneously. i was one of the younger boys. i ended up with a lot of bruises, a broken nose and a concussion. the step-dad had to come and pick me up instead of me riding my bike home. he was embarrassed and ashamed of me and mad at me - for being a wimp and a victim and an underdog. the experience broke more than just my nose.

i guess my perspective is different from others'. it seemed like most guys felt that the thing to do was go and play to prove that he could win over his fears. i say it is OK not to participate in something that is that likely to trigger you. as an adult i have the right to opt out. i have the choice and the power and freedom to make that decision. i feel like i am strong enough NOT to be pressured or intimidated into doing something that could re-traumatize me. i have nothing to prove. i just say NO. i'll sit this one out. anyone for scrabble?

am i just a hopeless wuss?
Lee


Edited by traveler (02/24/13 05:59 AM)
Edit Reason: cx
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#426214 - 02/23/13 12:55 AM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx [Re: traveler]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Edited by wearytraveler (01/17/14 05:46 PM)

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#426223 - 02/23/13 04:15 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1867
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Lee.

Whenever I see american programs protraying dodge ball, it looks like basically an excuse for violence to me. I suppose like boxing or martial arts it's okay if people get the choice, but from what I've seen kids in American gyms don't get the choice and looking at this from the perspective of someone who lives in a country where that so called game isn't played that seems incredibly wrong to me, heck, even getting changed for P.e. as a kid was bad enough never mind participating in something like that. heck, throughout the middle ages over hear the pillery, aka sticking someone in the stocks and chucking stones or clods of earth at them as a humiliation was a rather barbaric punishment for miner offenses on a par with flogging.

If someone wants to play, fine, but nobody should be forced to, or still worse, feel forced to, and I indeed applaud your own choice for going against all the stupid sterriotypes and saying no to this.

If anything that shows you can look after yourself far more than the ability to be hit with a ball.

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#426228 - 02/23/13 06:16 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Originally Posted By: traveler
when i was 12(?) in scouts - we ended one meeting with a huge game of dodge-ball that they called "war" - played with basketballs. i was targeted - after having already been bullied in so many other ways - including s3xually. it seemed like every guy there launched an attack on me simultaneously. i was one of the younger boys. i ended up with a lot of bruises, a broken nose and a concussion. the step-dad had to come and pick me up instead of me riding my bike home. he was embarrassed and ashamed of me and mad at me - for being a wimp and a victim and an underdog. the experience broke more than just my nose.
Lee


This moved me so much Lee, it is hurtful beyond imagination and I'm terrible sad frown
You know I used to spend a lot of my free time in playing with kids outside, we played dodge ball and many other games. We were never under surveillance of adults and rarely there were some problems.

In all our games we cared for each other and especially for smaller ones and those who were left alone. We all hated seeing someone isolated from others and we hated if older and stronger boys would make fun of some weaker boys.
I'll never accept such behavior that you described as normal. What worries me is if kids were so spoiled, prone and encouraged to be violent I just can guess in what personalities they have grown later. It is more than sad.

I'll add that your step-dad doesn't deserve to be called dad at all, I've just read about some hurtful inhuman narcissistic person who was evil and cold toward his sensitive and very intelligent step-son...

(((Lee)))
_________________________
My story

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#426235 - 02/23/13 08:17 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Lee,

My dad was a middle school dean in the '60s - '70s and describes similar scenes; dodgeball "games" where a designated victim would be knocked down and then the boys would gang up to throw their volleyballs straight down full force at his head at point blank range... laughing at tears... real Lord of the Flies stuff. Bad as I was tortured / bullied in gym, it was never THAT bad - I have to suspect some things were just banned from schools through the decades right along with naked swimming classes.

And no, you're not a wuss; you are a man and that means you don't have to indulge in trivial behaviors you don't want to. Hell, I have no respect whatsoever for sports and think school gym should just be exercise / calisthenics / weightlifting, with competitive singling-out activities purely voluntary.

My childhood memories of serial, near-ritualized bullying at that time dwarfed the impact of what my contemporary memories of CSA were; stories like yours really bring out that pain. I'm sorry you were targeted and sorrier no one helped; I wish I could have known you then, I would have helped.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#426236 - 02/23/13 08:39 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
thanks, guys.

it felt like my head exploded. everything went white and then dark and i couldn't hear anything for a while and then it was like it was a long way off and echo-y and i was staring up at the ceiling.

my glasses were broken.

step-dad said - "why didn't you duck?"

they sent me back a couple of weeks later.
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#426239 - 02/23/13 09:28 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 645
Loc: michigan
traveler man,
as I read your story it hurt my soul. I am so sorry that happened to you I had a dodge ball experience too.the whole class including the teacher was all in till the last ones out. I ran,and ran dodging till the only one left was teacher and me. I couldn't catch it she was throwing to hard and when she finally hit me in the face so hard it knocked me over, I got up to walk over to sit on the bench exhausted with my head as you described it. and she said no,no, a hit in the face is disqualified,THAT DIDN'T COUNT! so I took of running again and she blasts me in the back. that was 4th grade and I still choose to run
I feel you pain,
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#426245 - 02/23/13 11:10 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
Marc1267 Offline


Registered: 01/27/13
Posts: 10
Lee, I was bullied through most of middle school. It finally stopped when I went to a totally different H.S. where I met new friends and no one in my old school went to my H.S. so it was a chance to start over but the memories are still vivid some 33 plus years later. I remember one miserable/humiliating experience, it was in 7th grade and we were going on a trip to Rocky Point Amusement Park in R.I. Now, my school was in Boston so it was about an hour and 15 minute ride each way. The ride down wasn't so bad and I hung out with another of the so called "unpopular kids" and actually had a decent time. The ride back was hell, I was one of the last ones on the bus and had to take a seat towards the back and an inside seat towards the window (forced to take that seat) and i had a bully next too me and in the 2 seats in front of me, and eventually another one moved into the seat behind me. They spent the majority of the ride giving me some dope slaps, calling me names and I was wearing a blue windbreaker and one boy decided to spit into my jacket pocket, the others laughed and all follow suit till my jacket pocket was full of their saliva. I was paralyzed with fear to do anything and not one person came to my defense, a few of the girls may have said leave him alone but I am not sure. To this day, I remember their names and have often thought about seeking justice, buy my justice would end up getting me in jail. I intend on dealing with these issues which lasted from about 4th grade until 8th grade along with the sexual abuse. Another time in 8th grade, I was forced to engage in a fight with another boy who was also considered a "pussy" or a wimp or a fag. He was bullied and sometimes even worse then me. We were forced to fight after school one day in the rectory across from the school. I had never been a fighter and thought I would beat this kid although neither one of us ever had a problem with each other so it was stupid that we were forced to do this fight. It was put to both of us that either "we fight each other" or we each get beat the hell out of by "them" which was about 5 or 6 boys or more. Well, I lost that fight, got a few punches in but he wound up knocking me down and won so after that I became the "bigger" pussy. Let me mind you this was a catholic school which everyone seems to think they turn out better kids. It bullshit. Their are punks, bullies, etc in every type of school. You are not alone Lee as you know. I just thought I would share a few of my bullied moments. I am more comfortable talking about them the CSA. I will probably start with these stories with my T.

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#426246 - 02/23/13 11:11 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
Marc1267 Offline


Registered: 01/27/13
Posts: 10
I don also remember similar things like being targeted in dodge ball in the gym and of course always being the very last one picked for any type of sporting event.

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#426287 - 02/24/13 02:34 AM Re: dodge-ball [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
i guess this really hit a nerve. sorry to those who were triggered by it.

at first it was some memory i hadn't thought of in a long time - like a dusty book on i shelf i hadn't opened in a while. i don't know if i'd really forgotten - or just hadn't looked at it. but it keeps unpeeling like layers of an onion.

i know i was out cold for a while. no idea how long - but apparently long enough for them to try to bring me around and then carry me into a locker room. (this happened at the school gym.) and enough time for step-dad to be called and drive there. when i came around he was already there and all these heads were leaning over me. i couldn't walk to the car.

it was the next day before i saw a doctor. no hospital in our little town. it wasn't worth a house call. i had 2 black eyes and my nose was like a huge potato. pretty messed up. mom couldn't bee too sympathetic because step-dad was always accusing her of coddling me. if what she did was coddling, i'd hate to see benign neglect.

i don't remember getting new glasses or what i did for the next few days. and i don't know if there is any more to come.

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
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