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#426121 - 02/22/13 09:42 AM Dilemma
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 696
Hey guys. I know I haven't written an introduction yet (it's still a work in progress), but I've sort of hit rock-bottom today and I need some feedback.

Basically, my csa has led me to gambling for the past 7 years or so; and last night, I gambled pretty much all the money that I was supposed to use to pay back a big debt, and more on top of that - living expenses, etc. I ended barring myself from the casino so I could never go back. I came back this morning sick and suicidal, threw up a little, and went to bed exhausted (had been gambling for about 14 hours straight until 11 in the morning), but I only managed to sleep 2 hours, and now I'm wide awake. My dad, who still supports me (to study music), had sent me that money, and had told me explicitly if I ever use it to gamble again I'd have to go back and stay with him and my mother - my perpetrator. I DON'T want to go back. But I don't know what to do.

#426122 - 02/22/13 10:40 AM Re: Dilemma [Re: concerned_husky]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 968
Loc: michigan
hey bud
I dont know enough of your story to really give any meaningful advice but I do know that our coping mechanisms can develop quickly into habitual behaviors that seem impossible to break out of. the good news is ... it is possible. you are a good man, and not defined by the things that brought you to where you are today. I wonder if you have told your father of your abuse? if not, though it is impossibly hard, it may be the easiest way out of this. though we feel( at least I always feel ) that they couldn't possibly understand it, at least he would know something of what is driving this behavior. and as shamed as you may be feeling now being banned from the casino is a really good thing dude, one less dragon to slay.
get some rest man everything is harder when you are exhausted and, if nothing else, you will feel a little better
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#426141 - 02/22/13 12:50 PM Re: Dilemma [Re: concerned_husky]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3686
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey husky,
I'm so sorry that this happened frown
Firstly try to get some rest, sleep, some food/drink and all other primary needs.
Please don't be hard on yourself there is way to get exit from that vicious cycle, you are not alone, many of us have similar problems related to some addictions.
Have you been in so me therapy regarding it (CSA included)?

Somehow it is not wise from your father to give you such amount of money considering how serious your problem is and how tempting that could be frown
I don't have some advice for you beside that you need to ask for some help, that should be your priority and please don't be scared of it. It is too much at stake frown
Return to your home where you could be under reach to abusive person as your mother is will not solve anything but rather bring more problems that already caused all this.

Please read this article about self destructive behaviors, it is based on dealing with addiction problems and not particularly with gambling problems but I'm sure that could be helpful in this case too:

Hang on, here is my hug for you
My story

#426159 - 02/22/13 04:15 PM Re: Dilemma [Re: concerned_husky]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:11 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#426163 - 02/22/13 04:44 PM Re: Dilemma [Re: concerned_husky]
Bert DMA Offline
Registered: 12/09/11
Posts: 11
Loc: New York and Japan
CH. What to say? Family money for music study and Mom is your perp.
Was she also involved in your music, emotionally? Music study is one of the only private studies we know of. The one to one student teacher relationship can be therapeutic, loyal and continue for a life time. I truly hope that music will be your greatest support and guide as you try to reshape your education and relationships with teachers. There is a lifetime of healing available to us in music study. For us we have been healing as teachers and students for as long as memory will serve. If your Mom was deeply involved in your education let's look forward to seeing the two strands, Mom being one, and music study being another unravel.
The sheer love of music is a bond for a lifetime.
Bert DMA: Doctor of Musical Arts

#426169 - 02/22/13 05:46 PM Re: Dilemma [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 696
Appreciate the feedback guys. Did a bit of reflecting and feeling a little better.


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