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#426021 - 02/21/13 10:38 AM Horrible Night
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1792
I had two pretty good weeks--no nightmares or flashbacks. Last night they came roaring back. It was debilitating and I was an emotional wreck. Someone in the home called the police, it was said I was mentally unstable. I guess to some hearing or witnessing flashbacks makes the person experiencing them mentally challenged or unstable.

While the flashbacks were going on I was in the room by myself away from everyone. I am pretty self contained when I have the flashbacks--I seem to become riled prior to the events, words can set me off and current hurts come to the surface and I may yell but quickly retreat to a place by myself--knowing this may help me identify triggers. I had to talk to the police while not totally out of the flashback.

Last night the flashbacks were intense, I have had bad ones but last night they came in succession--the memories and images. Hopefully I am getting to a point where all the buried hurt, pain and memories will have come to the surface. It seems when new memories and feeling emerge they are more intense and over time they subside as I begin to accept them. I am hopeful. I am drained today-- hanging on my a thread string to get my work done.





Edited by KMCINVA (02/21/13 12:21 PM)

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#426022 - 02/21/13 10:47 AM Re: Horrible Night [Re: KMCINVA]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
im sorry it was so overwhelming. and it's bad you had to talk with police in such state. it will get better now that you re gained those memories. be strong my friend

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#426029 - 02/21/13 12:13 PM Re: Horrible Night [Re: KMCINVA]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
KMC,

We're with you. Know how it is. I'm so sorry.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#426036 - 02/21/13 01:33 PM Re: Horrible Night [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1792
Thank you. It is hard enough to want to heal, but having human headwinds inflict hurt and pain only makes the process more difficult. I am resolved, one abuser took my life, others who want to hold me back will not prevail even if it means I loose them in my life. Because those who should be in your life will be there to support,encourage and show their love--they will balance the many things one did with and for them against the pain of what has happened from the CSA.

Maya Angelou said "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." I believe my untold story is being told to me and shared with others. It is a path to healing with many thorns and falls. Those that push the thorns into my heart and push me down may be not better than the one who was the creator of my once untold story. They want to perpetuate the untold story by denying it occurred.

Mahatma Gandhi said:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

I hope this journey is giving me new inner strength because I believe I can forgive those who have forgotten me as I travel this difficult healing journey.


Edited by KMCINVA (02/21/13 01:37 PM)

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#426080 - 02/21/13 07:44 PM Re: Horrible Night [Re: KMCINVA]
Tanis2105 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 48
Loc: SW Florida
Hang tough my brother many here can relate stay strong and know we are all here for you. Peace

Tanis


Edited by Tanis2105 (02/21/13 07:45 PM)

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#426259 - 02/23/13 05:35 PM Re: Horrible Night [Re: KMCINVA]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
You are strong & will become more strong as you work thru this.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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