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#425930 - 02/20/13 09:04 AM Big Day, Slugging it Out in the Trenches Today
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
Today is a big day. I have an evaluation at the VA for both inpatient treatment of ASA and disability, as well as an appointment with the patient advocate. I have had to get the help of an elected rep from my state and raise a considerable racket in general in the VA system and at this hospital in general. One of my xwife's swinging friends works at this hospital. I also called on of the ASA perp's mother at work this am, left her a very detailed message, telling her that her son helped take my life away and that since I have nothing else to do I will not rest until he has been held accountable and shamed for what he has done. This will terrify her, but I don't care. She helped raise that monster and she can deal with it. I also have the regular symptoms to deal with; I have not had a good nights sleep in a very long time, did not sleep at all last night. This is very difficult.
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


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#425953 - 02/20/13 04:27 PM Re: Big Day, Slugging it Out in the Trenches Today [Re: Zug]
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
Went in for bid day at VA. Saw T, had to wait, was given same forms to fill out I've already filled out many times before, there is family of origin info, etc on these forms. I am not comfortable in public, and asked for something to write on from the 2 front office staff available, both of which are ignorant rednecks that I have dealt with before and have pissed off by advocating for my own well being and due to what is in my chart-ASA. They refused to give me anything to write on (book, etc) or a place to sit to do so, the only table was filthy and they ignored me, gave me dirty looks, etc. I was clearly in distress and could barely stand to be in public, and could not take it. I left and walked the 10+ miles home. I know there is no help for me, this is a lifetime of stuff like this. I have nothing for it anymore. I can also say that when I went to get my colonoscopy (due to attacks) the doctor that administered it leaned over the table as I was coming out of the anesthetic, smiled at me and said "you've made bad lifestyle choices, that's why you had to do this, stop" and laughed. This is what care looks like at the VA. Today was a dealbreaker, plain and simple. I have no other care, am destitute and cannot work, no options. Not even a Senator's help has gotten me any treatment or assistance. The VA system is killing people, plain and simple. Most of them don't care, there is no redress and the whole thing is disgusting. I will not be belittled and degraded further by these people or anyone else.
Thanks.
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


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#425954 - 02/20/13 04:44 PM Re: Big Day, Slugging it Out in the Trenches Today [Re: Zug]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on man, I know how difficult and terrible could be.
I don't have words for that doctor as well for others ignorant people that actually support violence and bastards frown

Please be aware that you are not alone.
We are here to give support to each other.
Please share with us more...

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#425967 - 02/20/13 07:12 PM Re: Big Day, Slugging it Out in the Trenches Today [Re: Zug]
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
There is nothing left to share. I cannot do this,and have made every effort. I'm really done. I'm not sleeping, this is taking me apart, not least because of frustration-not with family, the cops, etc. I know what they're about, but from dealing with the VA. The fact is that they are killing people by what they do, no one cares and it will not change. A VA cop called me and accused me of making threats and several other completely bizzare things that I did not do or say; these were mental health professionals that told those lies. I calmly told the VA cop that I said no such thing and to look at the film.
That is a deal breaker-I am supposed to trust these people? Or anyone else for that matter? Nope.
They are the only option I have, I cannot work, I have nothing I enjoy doing or look forward to. I walked over 10 miles in the wind and cold without proper clothes, its been hours and I still haven't eaten or showered. I just don't care, this was my last hope, its been too long, too many dissapointments, been burned too many times. I am not designed to do this; sitting around, moping. It's been 10 years like this. I've been sober 5 years and am worse off in many ways now than I was before I stopped. There isn't anything to do. Why talk about any of it anymore when it cant be fixed? I'm going back into my room and staying there, when I can't do that anymore I'll have to look at my options. I have spent much time outside and have a ruck, some canteens, a poncho, bag. I know a very nice spot on the side of mountain with year round water and a spot sheltered from the wind for the most part. I could walk there. That is all I have left-I cannot do this, I cannot have relationships, I cannot fit into regular society, I never have and I never will. I must accept what is plain. I really can't do anymore of this, right now and maybe not at all later, dunno. I have my proof.
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


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