HD - yep - sounds like progress to me - on both fronts.
1. as we survivors progress, our attitudes and reactions change. this can be sudden - and it can be disorienting to supporters. before i started therapy, i was very passive and would love to have had my wife initiate something in bed. that was one of my problems - couldn't get started, but with a jump-start, i was OK and could get into it. when the memories started returning, i became hyper-sensitive and hands-off. any physical contact could trigger a very bad reaction - emotionally and also physical tension and discomfort. one time i got super-triggered by half-a-dozen pretty innocuous ways in which she was trying to be romantic. none of it was overtly harmful or obviously connected to abuse - but in my thoughts and feelings - there was a strong association. two weeks later, after a couple of therapy sessions, a lot of introspection, reading and writing, i was raring to go. some of the same techniques that had previously been triggers were now strong positive stimuli. she was confused by all the reversals. i tried to explain but i'm not sure if it made much sense. communication is super important - and we guys are not always very good at that. sometimes it takes me days to figure out what i am feeling - and why. but i am getting better. sometimes now it is only hours. so - i'd say, take it slow and give plenty of cues and opportunities to change direction or backtrack or stop. be aware and flexible and sensitive - and you'll probly both have a good time.
2. same thing with taking about CSA - be open to changes in his tolerance level and openness and even desire to talk about it. it may go either way - more open - or less. sometimes i will bring it up and see how she responds. if it feels like a receptive atmosphere, i'll go further. if not, i shut down. sometimes it is OK for her be the one to ask or give an opening. i may or may not be ready at the time. if i feel like she is OK with that - taking either yes or no for an answer, it makes it easier next time.
it is a learning process - almost a dance - give and take and moving together - sometimes forward, sometimes backward - but in rhythm and sometimes switching off who is leading. trial and error - building trust. being ok with missteps. beginning again...
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago