HD - yep - sounds like progress to me - on both fronts.
1. as we survivors progress, our attitudes and reactions change. this can be sudden - and it can be disorienting to supporters. before i started therapy, i was very passive and would love to have had my wife initiate something in bed. that was one of my problems - couldn't get started, but with a jump-start, i was OK and could get into it. when the memories started returning, i became hyper-sensitive and hands-off. any physical contact could trigger a very bad reaction - emotionally and also physical tension and discomfort. one time i got super-triggered by half-a-dozen pretty innocuous ways in which she was trying to be romantic. none of it was overtly harmful or obviously connected to abuse - but in my thoughts and feelings - there was a strong association. two weeks later, after a couple of therapy sessions, a lot of introspection, reading and writing, i was raring to go. some of the same techniques that had previously been triggers were now strong positive stimuli. she was confused by all the reversals. i tried to explain but i'm not sure if it made much sense. communication is super important - and we guys are not always very good at that. sometimes it takes me days to figure out what i am feeling - and why. but i am getting better. sometimes now it is only hours. so - i'd say, take it slow and give plenty of cues and opportunities to change direction or backtrack or stop. be aware and flexible and sensitive - and you'll probly both have a good time.
2. same thing with taking about CSA - be open to changes in his tolerance level and openness and even desire to talk about it. it may go either way - more open - or less. sometimes i will bring it up and see how she responds. if it feels like a receptive atmosphere, i'll go further. if not, i shut down. sometimes it is OK for her be the one to ask or give an opening. i may or may not be ready at the time. if i feel like she is OK with that - taking either yes or no for an answer, it makes it easier next time.
it is a learning process - almost a dance - give and take and moving together - sometimes forward, sometimes backward - but in rhythm and sometimes switching off who is leading. trial and error - building trust. being ok with missteps. beginning again...
They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me.
Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long.
But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.