Newest Members
cricket1007, Nickie98, jahfree, Daryl X., tryintothrive
12496 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
joeybird (54), ladyinwaiting (46), txpearl (46)
Who's Online
1 registered (iaccus), 9 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12496 Members
74 Forums
64167 Topics
447765 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#425689 - 02/18/13 11:06 AM gay feelings due to a memory coming up???
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
dear survivors,

my husband was abused by men and a teen girl and his mother when he was from very small till about 12.
he keeps on getting memories back but its very hard for him to deal with teh abuse and the memories regarding his mother.

besides the confusing feelings towards her and all the other tons of impact the several csas had on him as an adult, there is something that really confuses him now, and me too.

he had a body memory of his mother yesterday, including her smell and he felt the touch of her body...

today he went to the office and he usually has a fixation on young women and teens, but today he has a meeting with his colleages, all men. he saw them sexual. it was very weird for him.

does anyone know why this is happening now, what exactly is actually happening and what is best for him to do?

i am not worried he is gay or anything and i dont have anything against gay people. but he was always after girls, why would that change now? what can come up next?
is this because he actually hates his mother, but cant, as he has to love his mother? is this because he is scared of her/ females?

what is best to do with this? where will this lead?

thank you for your answers, i really hope i get some good ones.
please help!

ela


Edited by confusion4life (02/18/13 11:55 AM)
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#426124 - 02/22/13 10:50 AM Re: gay feelings due to a memory coming up??? [Re: confusion4life]
WhyWhyWhy Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 41
Loc: some place bad
Good for you! asking & searching. I too am a survivor (Fem)so there's some understanding albeit very diff than a man (hubby). All I know (have experienced) is that the feelings/tempations/emotions are so varied that it is overwhelming at times. It is a Constant Search for who we really are. WE talk & talk, lean on a T & appreciate the journey because we have experienced the benefits of our growth & our marriage. We have found that the Therapy has straightened-out many of our mis-led, mis-found paths. We find that a Prof has much better paths for us than we could do on our own confused selves. Keep talking, keep asking, it's another friggin process but it works !
Best to You & Yours ! We deserve it !
_________________________
Still trying hope?

Top
#427175 - 03/05/13 05:23 AM Re: gay feelings due to a memory coming up??? [Re: WhyWhyWhy]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
thank you wife-survivor for your encouraging answer. you say the feelings overwhealm and there is a constant search of who a survivor is. so means, once he knows that, in ages, he will be himself and have his life claimed back. fine, i hop on that bus hoping he is worth it. women do stupid stuff like that smile

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#427190 - 03/05/13 10:14 AM Re: gay feelings due to a memory coming up??? [Re: confusion4life]
WhyWhyWhy Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 41
Loc: some place bad
I know I don't have the right to tell people what to do (co-dependant) but all I know is that THERAPY has saved our butts ! We struggling humans just don't know how to handle all of this crap. For us, a CSA Profesional has guided us thru the nasty muck. Left to our own devices (rather poor) we would be more-sick than ever before. I like to compare to 'if we have an absess tooth & jaw, we have to go to a Professional'. This big stuff just cannot be done on our own. People have died from all this crap - I prefer getting help. We refuse to let the abuser take over our lives! These 'after affects' just need that input & assistance,
Don't give up. I M Opinion.
_________________________
Still trying hope?

Top
#427469 - 03/08/13 10:52 AM Re: gay feelings due to a memory coming up??? [Re: WhyWhyWhy]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
smile
thank you.

he is in therapy of course. but the therapist is just not exactly what i imagine it should be. she is not trained too well on csa survivors but she knows the basics and she is better than nothing. i am in constant contact with people like anna salter and dr. urbaniok in zürich. those are real specialists.
and people here from this site are great and very helpful and give us a lot of information too.
thats the best we can do and we are making the best out of it.
he is healing and its working pretty well. compared to before he is a ton better already. due to the specialists everything is going exactly where it should. in between sometimes there are those little things coming up i just need an answer fast or an idea, then i ask here. and then there are people like you.

thank you!
ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.