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#425552 - 02/17/13 10:19 AM xxxxxxxxx
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: living in the now and not the ...
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


Edited by wearytraveler (01/17/14 01:10 AM)
_________________________
I have left this site and am no longer a member to those who I met while here I wish you well I no longer reside in my own past but have moved on and facing what is now and what is ahead. My past no longer defines me, and it does not effect the course of who I am and my future.

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#425554 - 02/17/13 10:34 AM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1048
Josh,

My advice is do not be silent for the sake of the family. Tell your parents first, then your sister, then everyone what the bastard did to you.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#425615 - 02/17/13 07:24 PM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3707
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Josh -
you need to talk about it.
it is not going to get easier or go away if you ignore it.
the only one to gain by your silence will be the perp.
the only one hurt by your silence is you.
but don't rush into it. read up on disclosure and confrontation. there are resources to help with that. get support from a T and if possible another friend or family member.
Lee
_________________________
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"


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#425625 - 02/17/13 09:31 PM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 892
Loc: Kc,Mo
There is no way u can let this guy marry into the family to start this act with others
In your family . Muster up the courage and do not allow what happen to y happen to others when it is within your scope to stop it . Not to mention if this sob has kids with your sister . Wow man tuff spot to be in be strong do the right thing
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#425628 - 02/17/13 10:10 PM xxxxxxxxxxx [Re: wearytraveler]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: living in the now and not the ...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Edited by wearytraveler (01/17/14 01:11 AM)
_________________________
I have left this site and am no longer a member to those who I met while here I wish you well I no longer reside in my own past but have moved on and facing what is now and what is ahead. My past no longer defines me, and it does not effect the course of who I am and my future.

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#425649 - 02/18/13 12:57 AM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 892
Loc: Kc,Mo
Sounds like miscommunication that is all , you must understand the position dealing with the very thing we are all here for. No judging here brother sorry if it came off that way . I can not say I could identify on this one because i have never been placed in this spot before , there has to be someone here though who has been in a similar situation . I hope you find out some information that can help you here seriously there are a lot of great people here but just like anywhere else there are always going to be people you do not mix well with so find the ones you do and roll with them

peace and blessings your way
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#425652 - 02/18/13 02:31 AM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3675
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Josh, how are you dong buddy?
I've seen your post and just came to me that some misunderstanding could arise because of insufficient knowledge. You used words abuser and family and in some combination that could be really triggering for many survivors here and plus that could be seen differently from what you are feeling for your brother in law as I can read. If I'm not wrong you don't see him as abuser, you two talked later about it and never were sexual again. And you know that he was abused too.
In any case for every survivor it is the most important to find what safe borders should be set with person who could be "problematic", meaning what kind of talks are allowed, what and if touches are included, is it allowed him to call you by phone for example or something like that, what if he brakes some of your rules/borders what can you do to limit his access to you and so on, there are many questions when concerning these issues. The most of survivors don't have clear in mind what those borders should look like at all, maybe for start you could think more about that and look for some answers?
Because of family dynamics sometimes in future due to many different reasons and possibilities you two could get in situation that could lead to some unwanted and risky happening, it could be painful for you, him and your family. That is the reason for you to be careful and to work on discovering your wishes and safe borders.
There are a lot of good books like Victim no longer by Mike Lew or Evicting the Perpetrator:A Male Survivor Guide to Recovery From Childhood Sexual Abuse by Ken Singer, maybe you could look for some of these books and try to find some answers?
Please share with us further!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#425685 - 02/18/13 10:37 AM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: living in the now and not the ...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Edited by wearytraveler (01/13/15 11:53 PM)
_________________________
I have left this site and am no longer a member to those who I met while here I wish you well I no longer reside in my own past but have moved on and facing what is now and what is ahead. My past no longer defines me, and it does not effect the course of who I am and my future.

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#425686 - 02/18/13 10:50 AM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1048
Josh,

It's all good. We have all had our learning moments here. MS isn't quite like a regular online forum because we are all so emotionally raw here... so sometimes we bump up against each other in ways we hadn't intended. It happens.

We admire that you're running instead of walking through recovery... but speaking as a sometimes-runner, be careful. It is possible to take recovery too fast, and it can hurt when one hits a place one isn't prepared for.

Welcome home. We hate that you have to be here, but we're glad you've found us.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#425723 - 02/18/13 04:29 PM Re: Abuser became a family member [Re: wearytraveler]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 467
Loc: USA
I'm am also a runner type. I'm hyper by nature and don't mean to offend anyone, but this search for the answers we need can be a bumpy road too. It seems to me almost any word could be a trigger. I discovered two new ones in December. Hot Wheels. Why? Because of new memories. I would not dump on anyone who would post a thread topic about hot wheels just because it's a trigger for me. Im leaning to deal with triggers, like we all have to do if we want to heal. I don't expect anyone to walk on eggshells around me either. Sometimes, ok, I do go to fast...but I am still going and forward to. That is the goal, to move forward and try to be sensitive along the way to others.

No one however, should cast doubts on anyone's story or life. We should all know well enough how hard healing is and how bad it feels to have people write us off or say we are confused. I am glad too that you are here Josh and value you as I have learned to do with many other members.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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