Hey guys,

I'm feeling some things for the first time and it's not good. I've opened up the division between my primary self and the emotional response to the abuse (Izzy), and now Izzy is fucking me up.

I need to feel connected, but Izzy is really strong. I want to honor Izzy but I've been protecting myself from Izzy for 30 years for a reason -- because it's too much to handle.

I just need someone to talk to. Can someone talk to me?

Cant

Cant

Sure. We need to talk. It's kind of late tonight.

The response you're getting with izzy is typical but you're on the young side for becoming aware of it.

Puff

Hay can't, so sorry to here about your situation.

Is this part of the plan?

Is a T helping you integrate

Or are you wanting to open up to izzy and the emotional responses?

I'm doing a little better this morning.

I had about 4 rum-and-cokes in me last night when Izzy was really presenting himself.

For those of you who asked in PM, Izzy is what I'm calling my dissociated emotional state, because I had a visual image of him (it?) as a dark gray sphere with the word "Is" written on it in white letters, because he (it?) just wants his existence acknowledged.

So, I named him "Izzy," and he's a mean MF'er.

Puffer, thanks. At 36, I'm glad to be on the young side of anything.

Smart Shadow, I'm not sure if this is part of the plan. Yes I am trying to integrate Izzy into me, but I what I lack is the ability to regulate how much of him I feel. I go from numb to 100% emotion, and that's not good and not bearable.

Anyway, thank Christ for MS.

Cant

Dude... I know how you feel. My pills keep the dissociated state at bay most of the time. It's the only way I can cope. Medicating is the only advice I can offer, because that's all that ever worked for me.

Cant,

I'm happy you're doing better today, I saw your post yesterday and wanted to respond with words of encouragement but panic set in and I didnt know what to say. I know all too well what you're going through and I understand the pain that follows it. All the best to you Cant.

Heal well
-Jay-

Lazy,

What pills do you take that keep you from dissociating? I'm interested in finding something that works.

Cant

Cant,
Venlafaxine XR is what I'm on right now. It keeps the Gremlins at bay most of the time. Also my mania is all but a dim memory. I do have a bit of depression that lingers, but not too too bad. One negative is that it has reduced my creativity & my ability to loose myself within my own mind... Those were two great escapes that I used to have. Everything's a trade off I guess! I hope this helps!!!

I looked up Venlafaxine, and it carries a suicide warning... so I don't want to fool with it.

Am I wrong to be afraid of anything that carries a suicide risk warning? I feel like that's already bad enough, thank you very much. But I don't know if it's an irrational fear or a justifiable one.

Cant

I remember being proscribed something and the warning label said something like, "this product can cause death but your doctor felt it was worth it for you". Yes better language but it really said something like that. I wish I kept the notice.

I lived.