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#425504 - 02/16/13 10:06 PM Male CSA and Shame
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 135
Loc: Washington State
Why are male victims of csa ignored?
What would happen if as a society we shattered the shame and the silence.
Some words are just to hard to say. He was raped. We just don't have capasity for men to be that Victimized. I think children get the compaction and care sometimes but Most of us went silent until we grew up. Now as men we must recover the best we can in the back ground. I hear the one in four girls quite often. I have only heard the one in six boys only here and in a few books.

I was molested/raped over 35'years ago. I would like to find out what happened to my abuser. I was just a kid. I had no power then and I have no power now. My first T discouraged me from trying to track him down. And sugusted going to the police would not likly be upheld and would take my family through hell.

I think the law in some ways was back then was working in the perps favor.

Has any thing changed? Has any one seen there abuser prosecuted?


Edited by SmartShadow (02/17/13 12:21 AM)

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#425523 - 02/17/13 03:46 AM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Yep, our language is just wrong here. "he was raped" is hard enough, "he was raped by a woman?" heck, I don't even think there is a legal deffinition of gang rape that covers my own experience of multiple girls.

Society is just superficial and crap to anyone who doesn't fulfill the sterriotypical rolls. What however realy! gets me is the way anyone who does! fill that roll seems to get so much sympathy.

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#425535 - 02/17/13 08:45 AM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
It is horrible to say, Smart, but your T was right... With the statute of limitations, your family & you would go through hell & nothing would be legally done to your perp. The only vindication you would have is exposing your perp for the monster he is to his family & friends. *Using him/he as a general term. Could be a her.* I'm in the same boat as you. My perp molested me some 30 years ago & I only told my wife about 2 years ago. I have never told my parents or any other family or friends. My Mom is friends with my perp's Mom, making matters worse. To bring this into the public eye now would be hell for me, my family, his family & the community in general... & with the SOL long run out on this crime, no real justice could come from it. I fully agree that attitudes need to change. Not enough of the public is even aware or willing to admit that boys are victims too. Most people just think of girls being molested. Or maybe people think the boys should just grow the fuck up & get over it. Grow a beard & grow a pair... Either go kill the guy or just shut up. I think that that is the attitude that so many have.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#425561 - 02/17/13 11:28 AM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I do agree with you guys, but one thing strikes me in the posts. Wanting to protect your family from any fallout of disclosure, I understand that. But consider that for the last 30 years you have been protecting "it" for the sake of someone else. Here again, you guys reference saying nothing for the sake someone else. Which is your choice, but when do you get a voice? A voice for your sake, and the sake of the kids you once were.
_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#425581 - 02/17/13 02:28 PM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 181
Loc: Puget Sound
Shame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s it the golden nugget of recovery, right, coming to grips with the fact that a part of you needs to tell the world you were raped in every minute detail yet a different part of you wants nothing more than run and hide from everyone and everything forever? Its why MS is so important, it allows us a way to tell the world of how we were raped countless times with new details every time at the same time allowing us the anonymity of the internet to allow “plausible deniability” in the rest of our lives but here we know all yet can deny everything in “our day to day reality”. Is that recovery? Coming to grips with the cognitive dissidence between the needs of everyone knowing everything vs. no one knowing anything? I think of all my strange behaviors all centered on some type of coping mechanisms around this unnatural destroyed and brainwashed dichotomy in my psyche?

Cee

Thanx guys the discussion on the board has been very thought provoking lately, awesome!
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#425584 - 02/17/13 02:42 PM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 135
Loc: Washington State
I am soon dust, I mean I am 50 and the last 30 years have gone by like a flash. Added to it I supose that I don't rember much or have a difiacult time getting to my memories, even resent event fall quickly dim. I don't need a voice. I am ok.
I just want the next set of kid to have a voice and people who will fight for them. I know that there is so much more to day avalable then there was back when I was trying to first be a survivor. But it's not enught. Society as a whole is so in denial and like L.P. said above so well, it's the boy who should do something about it. It's like we are supose to grow up and be a man already. How's that going.

I want to help the new victims. I want to stop the perpetrators from hurting more kids. I want to do today what I couldn't do then. I want them stoped. I want anyone who doesn't want them stoped to know what there going along with.

Sorry I am not directing this at anyone, just having feelings.


Edited by SmartShadow (02/17/13 02:45 PM)

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#425603 - 02/17/13 04:31 PM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 181
Loc: Puget Sound
A voice? I think everyone’s always has one just ours was taken away but while getting your voice back can be part of your recovery it’s not required, how many of us will never even ask a question of any one who could, not saying they would validate what happened to us, for whatever reason we will never have one, never, it will never be part of our reality.

SS I totally agree the only way to give any of us a true voice is just combat the ignorance that boys are raped every second of every day and we need to listen, we need to be there we need to tell them it’s never going to be ok but we’re going to make sure its ok as together we can make it, yes SS we need a voice.

Cee
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#425604 - 02/17/13 04:57 PM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: dark empathy]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 135
Loc: Washington State
Hay dark empathy,
I think what you are talking about makes my point all the more. Not fitting into the equation is the problem. So then we are the problem and are perps are free to keep abusing adding to our ranks. How is this going to change?

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#425607 - 02/17/13 05:28 PM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
We can make a difference in sharing our stories. There is nothing more powerful than being understood, assured that you are not alone. When I came here, I was greeted with "I get you". Because I have been there too.

Finding our voice is not only about US; it's just as much about every other kid who has had to deal with this shit. And just as much about the perps who benefit most from our silence. The lives of others depends on our ability to share ourselves, our pain and suffering
_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#425608 - 02/17/13 05:50 PM Re: Male CSA and Shame [Re: SmartShadow]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 135
Loc: Washington State
Hay cee, thanks for the words! Maybe we will find our voice at some point. Or maybe we will find a way to help others.

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