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#425451 - 02/16/13 05:00 AM Victimhood as a weapon
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
I did something last night that I shouldn't be so happy about but I am anyway.

As I was taking the escalator down from the train platform I was reading my iPhone, nothing from nothing. Almost the instant I hit ground level I feel someone shove me from behind. Hard.

"So what the hell is so important on that phone, huh? Is it REALLY important?"

I'm 6'2". This guy was 6'5" or more and his entire demeanor was fuming aggression.

Me: "Yes, it's really important."

Him: "Oh yeah?"

He shoved me again.

Him: "More important than the people walking behind you? You were just STANDING on that escalator like an asshole, me and like 12 people couldn't walk down past you and I even pointed out how fucking rude you were being to them! Kind of a douchebag, aren't you?"

He was shout-talking and keeping up with me as I walked away. It was nighttime in a fairly empty train station and my car was hundreds of feet away. This really was not good. Making matters worse... I kind of don't back down from people. I've lived through enough horrible bullying experiences in my early teens - and sometimes the workplace too - that I always respond, always escalate.

Me: "Why are you talking to me?"
Him: "What the fuck did you just say???"
Me: "Why are you talking to me?"
Him: "Well, there are lots of ways to communicate. I'm talking to you because it's that or smack you, and I'm thinking about that too."

Oh fuck this guy. Fusion-powered fuck him. My mind locked onto the first thing that was usually on it anyway and I called up my Angry Teacher Attention Bad Kids voice as I thrust my iPhone at his face.

Me: "Oh communicating huh? Well I'm communicating by email with my support group over how I GOT RAPED UP THE ASS BY A TEACHER WHEN I WAS A KID. DO I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO GET RAPED UP THE ASS AS A KID? CAN I PROCEED WITH YOUR APPROVAL? SHOULD THE GUY ASK YOU TOO???"

His eyes widened and his head actually bounced back. "Oh shit dude, I'm sorry, I thought you were looking for a bar or something, I--"

He sort of patted me on the shoulder, attempting reassurance / defusing the situation I guess.

I gave him my very angriest look and swatted at where his hand had just been, barely missing his. "DOOONT TOUCH ME!!!!"

Him: "I'm sorry, dude, I--"
Me: "Enjoy your night!"

And I walked away.


I honestly don't know why I added the anal suggestion, since it's a lie; it sort of naturally completed the "got raped" phrase, I guess. I'm sorry to the guys here who did suffer that if I misappropriated it or didn't show due seriousness - though I sure as hell wasn't joking. I was LYING. I lied about the physical damage and I lied in my reaction to his trying to make me feel better - I don't have touch "issues" and I was feeding into the victim stereotype in order to make him feel worse about himself, to impress upon him that he'd gone way too far and just really hurt someone who'd already been hurt too much and wow guy are you ever a fucking asshole huh? He looked horribly guilty and I hope he felt a million times worse. His facial expression and entire posture / stance and voice went from aggressive to submissive almost instantly and I've been re-watching that on a constant loop ever since, it was like I gutpunched him with two sentences and knocked the bully right out of him. I hope he was crushed by shame and it ruined his whole night, or weekend or more. I hope he felt every bit the obnoxious prick that he is. At least for those moments, he clearly unmistakably did. Scratch a bully, find a coward.

Though hey, maybe I did him a favor, maybe now he'll be less eager to pick a fight with a stranger on a train in New York and there won't be a stabbing or shooting someday.

So again, to those here I'm sorry I played into victimhood stereotypes and exaggerated my story purely to emotionally blackmail and bombard a guy with guilt, doubt, regret, and shame. I'm sorry if I contributed to bad stereotypes or treated someone else's violatory experience that I never experienced as some emotional ranged weapon meant to shock, disarm, and repel.

But it felt so good.

And he was asking for it.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#425452 - 02/16/13 06:10 AM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
WOW - i am in AWE!!!

truth issues aside - you handled that so well.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#425455 - 02/16/13 07:24 AM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Bravo, brother. You've come so far.

This is exactly what I'm talking about with "psychic alchemy." You took your pain and turned it into a laser beam that fucked that dude up. He thought he was invincible and you kicked him square in the balls. So good. Well done.

Cant


Edited by cant_remember (02/16/13 09:38 AM)
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#425459 - 02/16/13 08:21 AM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Well, that's one way to defuse a situation! I've never even thought of that before. I say, well done.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#425467 - 02/16/13 09:55 AM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 755
Loc: Southeast USA
Well played. Maybe he will think twice before running off at the mouth.
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Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#425482 - 02/16/13 12:00 PM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Frankly, Matt, when it comes to bullies, imo, some lies don't matter if you're gonna shut 'em down. You're in NY for chrissakes (which isn't quite like the rest of the world) AND it's nighttime AND your on a relatively deserted platform. Again imo, almost anything goes to protect yourself.

Years ago I confonted a homophobe redneck neighbor who'd been driving by my house muttering "faggot" just loud enough for me to hear each time. I got fed up. Though he was considerably bigger than me, I pounded on his front door, gave him a Damien II look and gave him an angry, rage-bubbling-to-the-surface, "Alright. I'm goddamned sick of listening to it. Knock it off." He never bothered me again.



And that is what some well-directed, well-focused rage can do. Put another way, our experiences as "victims" gives us an entire toolbox of resources that are actually sometimes quite useful. Put yet another way, I like the idea of convincing them you're crazier than they are.

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#425495 - 02/16/13 06:25 PM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6596
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I like his reaction. it was the proper reaction for him.

It was use of the CSA as a weapon, but it was appropriate IMO. I knife was also appropriate, or mace, or Defcon Wasp Spray (my fave). But I don't hold the CSA sword-use against you.

Its a very powerful sword init!
_________________________
Objects In Mirror are Less Than They Appear.

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#425501 - 02/16/13 09:23 PM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 215
Firstly, who are these people who feel the need to walk on escalators? Fuck off and use the stairs.

I'm glad you said what you did (and that guy was lucky, you could have pulled an actual weapon on him). And I'm glad he had a proper reaction too, because some people are just idiots who have no conscience. He could have been even more of an idiot about it. Hope he remembers what you said next time he decides to get someones face.

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#425647 - 02/18/13 12:40 AM Re: Victimhood as a weapon [Re: SoccerStar]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Well done! And hell no, nothing wrong with the "lies" you told. Whatever is needed.

This part made me wonder...
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
His facial expression and entire posture / stance and voice went from aggressive to submissive almost instantly and I've been re-watching that on a constant loop ever since, it was like I gutpunched him with two sentences and knocked the bully right out of him.

His reaction seems very strong. What if he is a survivor too? Not that that would justify his attitude for one second, I was just wondering...

1 in 6... We're everywhere...


Edited by crazy gecko (02/18/13 12:40 AM)
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I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

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