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#423392 - 01/27/13 06:43 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Lancer - one of the biggest surprises in my life was when i was once talking with the step-father's younger brother - my "uncle." he was much more like me than like his brother. as it gradually came out - the two of them had not got on well, either - and he even alluded to the fact that the step-dad's dead kids had not been as perfect as he had made them out to be. he also hinted at the fact that his big bro had a violent temper and could tend toward over-doing the "spankings" and other "discipline."

what you said -
***"He's been able to confirm my childhood impressions on a lot of things, even the gold-digging mommybitch social climber. Can't begin to say how affirming and validating the whole conversation was."***

YES - so TRUE!
like a confirmation that you aren't the only one who sees that the "emperor has nothing on!" YOU are not the crazy one, dude!
and neither am I!!!
- Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#423397 - 01/27/13 07:43 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
One thing I long ago journaled, Lee, is I believe from my own experience that children have an innate sense of what's really going on. They know when something isn't right.

I sure as hell did and then did my best to survive it.

When the adults deny it or, worse, punish the child for exercising that God-given ability, then the problems start.

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#425426 - 02/15/13 08:53 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Insightful email from one of the other cousins giving me an indication about her own mother, my aunt, who was a buddy of the mommybitch. In short, the woman was just as emotionally distant (perhaps abusive). And it further confirms the little cadre the mommybitch had around her who didn't give a damn about their kids.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Apparently, I'M not the one who was crazy.


Go figure that right now Sundance is running "Mommy Dearest" and the scene where atty Greg Savitt is fed up with her drunken verbal tirades, slaps her down and leaves her. lol..."mommybitch" could have used that!

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#425428 - 02/15/13 09:04 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Lancer

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Apparently, I'M not the one who was crazy.


this is so ironic: my wife and i were out to eat a couple of weeks ago - this little Italian place had a live music group. since we were almost the only ones there, they kept asking us for more requests. i asked for "I Love You Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel. they didn't know it so they played another song by him - "You May be Right - I May be Crazy" - we both howled!!!

i had the best of intentions - but fate intervened.

just sayin - we are ALL crazy in one way or another. and you, my friend, are crazy in the NICEST possible way!

BUT - there are others who are crazy in really nasty ways - true.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#425440 - 02/15/13 11:43 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Strange you should put the last sentence that way, Lee. I was finally able to nail the mommybitch's personality in psychiatric terms that have escaped me up until now. Narcissism (NPD). Do your own Google. Very enlightening.


(As for your live music group, try the bar scene in "The Four Seasons" and their rendition of "Strangers in the Night" on an untuned upright...I think dark_empathy would find it especially painful).

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#425731 - 02/18/13 05:51 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Decided over the weekend to contact the step-sister who'd been my advocate with the mommybitch ("Get over it! Lancer's gay.")and who was a survivor of spousal abuse herself. Just a FB contact with the condition the mommybitch isn't to know about it.

IF she responds I'll tell her in general terms what I want to discuss.

IF she's receptive I've got an eight-page treatise for her. Just one family member on that side knowing is enuf for me.

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#425825 - 02/19/13 09:41 AM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Zug Offline


Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
I'm going through similar stuff now Lancer- contacting extended family (aunts and uncles that were more like brothers/sisters as when I was a kid) and reconnecting. Some are glad to hear from me and know what happened to me, others are avoiding me like the plague. I am no coward and will relentlessly tell the truth, I will use it as a weapon if I need to. I refuse to be judged for my ma's disgusting behavior or for her criminal 'parenting' techniques. I will go forward, this stuff takes courage and we should be proud of ourselves. My ma made it mission one to isolate me from our extended family, they would not and do not approve of the way she has conducted herself over time. My exwife was a part of a group of people that drugged and sexually assaulted me for year, literally keeping me as a kind of sexual object to be used when they felt like it, drunk, lost in hell. I told my ma about it, she blamed me. Ma and x have had Thanksgiving dinner together in the 2 years since I told ma. It's this family stuff, our fear of judgement and the crazy manipulative behavior of others that is so damaging to us and keeps us from healing in my opinion. I refuse to be quiet, I refuse to keep dark family secrets, I refuse to be held accountable for others sick actions, I refuse to take the shame of others and protect them. It has to be this way for me, it may be different for others. I tried playing by the 'rules' others made, it almost killed me. I know what you're doing takes courage because Im doing it. Keep it up and thanks for posting about this.
_________________________
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski


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#425978 - 02/20/13 08:50 PM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Holy shit...what is this, #4? Just had a two-hour convo with the step-sister with whom I haven't had contact in probably 25 years. She confirmed everything about the mommybitch and considerably more.

Seems she and my step-brother, though adults, have been similarly subject to the mommybitch's abusiveness over the years. My step-sister got fed up with it. My step-brother avoids her as much as he can.

It seems, too, at the time of my abuse, the mommybitch and hubby #3 were really pissing off their "friends" and pretty much kept on the social periphery. Her abusiveness was even worse and extended farther than I had any clue about. No one really wants anything to do with her. Karma.

Much to my relief, her step-grandchildren weren't affected since she pretty much blew them off.

I think it's an understatement to say the call was a catharsis...for both of us. Huge relief for me.

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#426004 - 02/21/13 06:09 AM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
Wow Lancer, that is some news.
I guess from mommybitch we couldn't expect different, she obviously has some nasty and toxic personality pointed against everyone frown

I'm happy to hear about your talk with your step-sister, must be feeling lighter now wink

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#426012 - 02/21/13 08:43 AM Re: Some Vindication [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Y'know Pero, I don't think I've even really started to fully experience the depth of relief that's there. It's huge and more than I can even process right now. I've noticed, however, it's a palpable feeling, especially in my shoulders, for example.

We talk a lot on MS about vindication related to our perps, but I'm perfectly happy with vindication vis-a-vis the people who were responsible for setting me up for the CSA.

Interesting, too, I felt so protective about my neice and nephews - completely new experience for me - and that I was so determined they should not be subject to that horrible woman's venom. They're young adults now and able to fend for themselves. I'm just relieved they weren't affected.

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