Newest Members
Serenity40, markm, hans32, SilentNoLonger, masryt
12132 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
casey (45), flaredsoul (31), Madcap (29), susie24 (59)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 66 Guests and 10 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12132 Members
73 Forums
62560 Topics
438340 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#424793 - 02/09/13 12:24 PM Valentine's Day Triggers Thread
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997

If you're lonely and you know it, clap your hands.
If you're jealous of married men, clap your hands.

If it hurts too much to know it
Then Valentines Day is sure to blow it.

If you're lonely and you know it, clap your hands.

This thread is for anyone else who feels stabbed through the heart when you round the corner at the grocery store and see the giant display of heart-shaped candy boxes, or fucking jewelry commercials, and other surprise reminders that someone reached into your insides and ripped out your capacity to maintain a relationship before you ever knew what a relationship was.

There's no getting away from being totally fucking alone on Valentines Day.

To my married friends here in MS: I don't know how you've done it or how you keep it going, but you are so lucky.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#424801 - 02/09/13 01:41 PM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1871
Loc: durham, north england
Hi cant.

As I said in your thread about adverts, valentines day is bloody awfull and distinctly unfair, especially when rather than all the crass commercial stuff you have to cope with friends doing actually nice! things for their significant others on valentines day.

Myself, I am doing two things in particular to cope this year.

Firstly, I am not thinking of this as valentines day celibration of all I've not had, but the 14th of february, five years to the day since I played the roll of nanki poo in the Mikado in 2008. This was the part I always wanted to do, and particularly being that at that point i was struggling even to stay on the same plane of reality (I nearly fugued on stage during the second performance), I was extremely pleased with this and even though I know now I could do much better with the singing and acting than I did then, it was fantastic to finally do that after wanting to for so long.

This is going to be particularly easy given that I have a rehearsal for my current production that night as well, actually a perfect example of employing my resolution.

Secondly, and more practically, being something of an officionado for dark chocolate, I will think of valentines day as the time Chocolate hotel will begin their big massive discount sale of all their valentines day chocolates! something I plan to take advantage of next week.

So yes, valentines day is bloody awfull, should be banned, and if I had my way anyone holoding hands or kissing in front of me would be doused in petrol and set on fire, however by devoting myself to those things I can! control in my life I can reduce the impact of those things I cannot.

This is my resolution in it's purist form. it's bloody difficult sometimes, however I do feel far happier contemplating valentines day this year than I did on any previous occasions.

Top
#424826 - 02/10/13 08:23 AM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
As a married man I have to say that I HATE Vday with a passion. So does my wife. I hate the commercialism, gotta buy her diamonds or else you're a failure & shitty husband, song & dance. I hate public displays of affection too. Having someone is really nice, but being told that they need jewellery to be in love with you is just stupid... & worse; being told that (if you are single) everyone is happy, aside for you... Total bullshit. Love yourself first!
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

Top
#424828 - 02/10/13 09:19 AM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1871
Loc: durham, north england
I would totally agree on the commercialism side of things Pirate, however what is a lot harder in terms of valentines day for me at least are the people who simply do things that are low key, low expense but quite nice for their partners at that point.

For example, a friend of mine had a joke with his then girlfriend now wife from the point she said to him "I'm a little chilly" referring to the cold.

One valentine's day, he bought a large stack of peppers, arranged them artfully, photographed them and then copied the photo on to the front of a card which he gave to his girlfriend with the message "some company little chilly!" (he then actually cooked chilly since he had to use the peppers).

Financially this cost next to nothing, yet in terms of the pleasure it gave both my friend in the doing and his girlfriend in the execution it was very worth while.

That is the side of valentines day which is difficult in terms of lack of relationships, not all the over commercialized crap just small gestures of affection that are very individual to a person, heck, if anyone ever did something like that for me I'd probably burst into tears on the spot even if it was something equally lacking in actual financial worth.

Again, why I sometimes wish for a grade a 1 flame thrower when I'm out in public especially around valentines.

Though one amusing point of course is that at least where hotel chocolate are concerned, the commercialism will run in my favour, thanks to my club card and the fact hey'll want to get rid of all their unsold valentines stuff afterwards laugh.

Top
#424829 - 02/10/13 10:17 AM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I understand that the thought of Vday hurts. I agree with you that it's about having someone in your life. Our lives. The commericialism only highlights our feelings of loneliness. But it could easily be read as, "the day I make up for all the nice things we should have done for one another leading up to today."

It's certainly not the case for everyone, but in the real day to day of many relationships those moments are looked over. One day can't make up for it. And then we wonder why people don't stay together anymore.
_________________________
I am the warrior.

Top
#425025 - 02/12/13 02:20 AM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
xxanxus Offline


Registered: 02/09/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Global
Oh dear god. Valentines day, how I hate thee. Though I do have a partner and this will be our 4th valentines day together, I still haven't got the hang of being romantic...let alone freely expressing any kind of emotions.

Top
#425061 - 02/12/13 01:54 PM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1871
Loc: durham, north england
Xxanxus, that makes sense, though I would be lying if I didn't say i was slightly jealous, not in the destructive sense but just in the sense that you will! learn how to do this, where as for myself, and likely many other men who find the hole dating and initiating relationships business to be a closed, and very painfull book it is something we don't have the opportunity! to even try.

So while I can sympathize with the difficulty that yourself and similar guys have, it still sometimes feels like someone saying "I've just won this rolls royce, but I don't know how to drive!" a thing that can be learnt, rather than a thing utterly unobtained.

sorry if this seems over crytical of your situation, I'm just trying to be honest.

As regards valentines day being a sort of "make up for the rest of the year" well, I'd first ask someone in that position why the hell they have to make up for things? Again, women are so lucky with this since they! always seem to be the ones getting the attention in these sorts of situations, indeed frequently it seems in the media and other places romance is displayed as a very one way process, in which women have all the power and must be paid court to by men, albeit that this isn't true in real life.

Sorry about the synicism, but it turns out my rehearsal on thursday is canceled because the music director is going out with her significant other, ---- this being the music director who i fell in love with in november, (the first time I've fallen in love in three years).

Top
#425110 - 02/12/13 07:13 PM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
Still Around Offline


Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Pennsylvania
Brothers, I can say without a doubt that V-Day is the absolute worst time of the year for me. Not just because I've never had a SO on the day on which I could actually show the love I have to give (to be honest, I've never felt capable of it anyway, feeling broken and unlovable etc.), but because of the feelings it engenders. Jealousy, of those who never had to endure the abuse and somehow found love and happiness, as if they were rewarded for having a better childhood? Anger, that I have no one with whom to share my life, and that that sonfabitch made me fear to even be touched by others. Anger that I have gone through so much and still find myself alone, anger that I can't yet move past the fear and the hurt?

And oh god, the fear. The fear that my suffering has not made me a better person. Will I ever learn how to love? To be loved? To stop being afraid and open up my heart? Will it just be smashed to bits again as it has so many times in the past? Will I ever be able to let anyone in?

At age 25, is it too late?

These are the questions keeping me up at night. And while I wish I could say I don't begrudge the happiness of others, I honestly do. I want this damned nightmare to not have been in vain.

Top
#425152 - 02/13/13 05:59 AM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
(((( Still Around )))))

I'm here for you, brother. Hopefully, it's never too late, at 25 for you or 36 for me.

But until then, we can hate V-Day together. Only 2 days left and then it's gone.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#425273 - 02/14/13 12:17 PM Re: Valentine's Day Triggers Thread [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
F-ck today.

No television. No going outside.

There is no regulator on my anger and jealousy today. None. Just a flaming ball of resentment.

Tomorrow won't come fast enough.

Bonus trigger: A "Happy Valentine's Day" text from my mother. Thanks, Mom. Thanks for not protecting me as a boy, and then being in denial of it for the past 30 years. That's been really helpful, and is a leading cause of why I'm completely alone today and why you are the only woman texting me. I will not respond to it.

Cant.


Edited by cant_remember (02/14/13 12:50 PM)
Edit Reason: added bonus trigger
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.