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#425202 - 02/13/13 04:11 PM Re: struggle8
strugglelife Offline


Registered: 02/12/13
Posts: 5
Loc: Ireland
Hi again - I just joined yesterday . Didn't say much initially.

I feel I can say a bit more now. Abuse at 11-13 ( not sure exactly) by much older man. I was struggling with gay feelings and I was excited by him and the attention. There are some flashbacks of other abuse at , maybe , a younger age but am not sure of the detail. I have had therapy and come to realise this was abuse and what it robbed me of. The long lasting effect is that I live with feelings of being useless, valueless -I have become addicted to gay dating sites and chat lines- and , almost , some porn sites as well. I drink too much and I still smoke and can't seem to find the motivation to stop. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to find a plan for my life, or, if I think I do, I don't seem to able to commmit to it.
I feel I've reached the point where I want to move on from this endless struggle but I can't do it by myself and more therapy is not going to do it for me .
I can feel very isolated in this place and , I have tried, but even my closest friends don't seem to get it.
I end up wondering am I too sensitive about all this?
I came accross this site while browsing the net and read some things that made me feel like, maybe, there might be others who have similar struggles and I might not be a complete over senstiive idiot.

I hope so.

Thanks
_________________________
Kev

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#425248 - 02/14/13 04:18 AM Re: struggle8 [Re: strugglelife]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 751
Loc: michigan
hey kev
you certainly are not alone in your struggles. childhood assault leaves scars on us that seem to go on forever. there is a real sense that we have been changed by it. but the man you choose to be now it your choice and that gives us hope for the future. you are not doomed by any stretch of the imagination. and there are tons of people here who share your pain. come chat,post, make yourself at home here and then heal well
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#425252 - 02/14/13 05:34 AM Re: struggle8 [Re: newground]
sentry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Hey Kev,
Glad you found your way to this site.You have made good progress just by looking for more resources that can help you as you recover.It takes a certain amount of courage just to post your introduction here. You have done some work just to get here so for now I suggest you just take the time to get to know the site and the other survivors like yourself that are here.You are among others who do hear and understand completely were you have been if your life.We have been there to.
Good luck on your journey of reovery!

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