Hi again - I just joined yesterday . Didn't say much initially.
I feel I can say a bit more now. Abuse at 11-13 ( not sure exactly) by much older man. I was struggling with gay feelings and I was excited by him and the attention. There are some flashbacks of other abuse at , maybe , a younger age but am not sure of the detail. I have had therapy and come to realise this was abuse and what it robbed me of. The long lasting effect is that I live with feelings of being useless, valueless -I have become addicted to gay dating sites and chat lines- and , almost , some porn sites as well. I drink too much and I still smoke and can't seem to find the motivation to stop. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to find a plan for my life, or, if I think I do, I don't seem to able to commmit to it.
I feel I've reached the point where I want to move on from this endless struggle but I can't do it by myself and more therapy is not going to do it for me .
I can feel very isolated in this place and , I have tried, but even my closest friends don't seem to get it.
I end up wondering am I too sensitive about all this?
I came accross this site while browsing the net and read some things that made me feel like, maybe, there might be others who have similar struggles and I might not be a complete over senstiive idiot.
I hope so.