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#425241 - 02/14/13 01:18 AM locker room- possible triggers
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Last night my friends invited me to play badminton. There were four of us, we used to play it couple years ago and it became here very popular way to spend free time during winter.
Venue is huge and many times crowded; it is needed to plan coming in advance.
So my friend picked me up and we were laughing and talking while driving. After we came to the place I and other buddy went to menís locker room to change and two girl friends went to their.
When I came in I was a little bit in shock, room was packed; it was way too small for so many people inside and some of them were completely naked, place is very busy and every hour it becomes so crowded. I changed my clothes as fast as I could and left it, just felt a little bit uneasy there.
After we finished I went trough same procedure and luckily no one was naked there but one father came in bringing small kid with him. Kid was probably 6 or 7 years old and he seemed so small comparing to men (some of them were very tall).
I felt dizzy and at the moment as I thought what would happen to this kid if he would see some men naked walking around in such crowded and limited space. I know that kid wouldnít see anything sexual; I know that in my culture we are reckless and insensitive sometimes related to nakedness and it is considered as normal, even I as kid was naked on public beach and have had such photos but I couldnít help my self and I was somehow sad. I felt need to take that boy outside to wait and to explain him what he could expect there to see and what is happening there...
Later after we have had drink on way to home only two of us left in car and we talked and listened music. My girl friend is one of the first persons to whom I disclosed some time ago.
And at one point she said that she needs to tell me something interesting. Than she said that one her friends disclosed to her and said almost the same story as mine. He talked to her about being part of group of young boys who were touched inappropriately by one older boy and similar things.
Somehow atmosphere changed again; I felt really sad at that point and uneasy in my stomach.
From nice and relaxing night as Iíve expected Iíve experienced a little bit triggering situations and I was almost exhausted at the end. Well I guess life is unpredictable.

Iíll send link of Male Survivor to my girl friend giving instructions to invite her friend to come here and that is at least one thing that I can do.

Pero
_________________________
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#425243 - 02/14/13 02:11 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3512
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Pero -

sorry that a pleasant evening became a trigger for you. i can totally understand that. it is the sort of situation i try my best to avoid. locker rooms are totally out of the question for me. too much history there! but there are surprises out there just waiting to ambush you when you least expect it. it is not always something you can foresee. i am glad that you were able to talk with someone who understands it. and so good that you can refer another potential member here.

hope you are doing better now.
Lee


Edited by traveler (02/14/13 02:11 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#425249 - 02/14/13 04:40 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Lee, I'm alright, it wasn't so bad, I guess I was just a little bit caught off guard when didn't expect it.

Not sure what to expect next time as we will proceed to go there on regular basis...
_________________________
My story

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#425259 - 02/14/13 07:55 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Pero,

Naked men don't bother me, but the other night I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds on cable TV, and there was this complex plot that culminated in the disclosure that one of the main characters had been molested when he was a boy, and that affected him all his life. He finally confronted his abuser, and had him arrested. It was all too real in its portrayal of how the abuse happened and how it affected the victim.......but it reminded me that in my case there was no "happy ending". No satisfaction or closure. No justice.

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#425267 - 02/14/13 10:13 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
gottymeguy Offline


Registered: 09/24/10
Posts: 35
I'm sorry that you had a triggering night, but it sounds like you might have connected someone to this resource who may really need it.

As far as the locker room, I wish in states we were a bit more relaxed with nudity. I feel that the shameful and degrading way we view the naked body leads to a hyper-sexualized state. I have lots of body image issues, and I am trying to become more comfortable with myself. My recent gym membership has helped a bit.

In my adult life and even starting back in high school, I have not been in a situation where it's normal for guys to be naked around each other (locker room, etc) and have always been nervous in that situation because of being picked on so much in gym and elsewhere as a kid. Being able to take a shower at the gym and knowing there are other guys around changing has been a big step for me. If I have a towel on, or even just in there to put my coat in the locker, no one is teasing me, or pushing me, or even really noticing that I am there. I find it is ok to shower and change around other guys without being harassed. It has been helpful to me to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

Sorry for my rant, just sort of connected to the atmosphere you described.

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#425332 - 02/15/13 05:57 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
@pero, myself,my own view is somewhat different. in England we are probably much like the states if not worse where nakedness is concerned, indeed there are still many swimming pools, gyms etc which have individual changing cubicals rather than one big room (which I prefer myself), and you could be slapped with an indecent exposure charge if you were ever naked on the beach.

In my first P.e. lesson, the Physical education teacher gave all the boys and girls a talk where he quite coldly that at that school a girl had been raped in the boy's changing room, ---- charming as you imagine and actually incredibly scary for me at eleven.

Two years later and I quite believed this, indeed it got to the point where I went and changed in the equipment storage cupboard. Admittedly, what happened in the changing room as far as violence, physical exposure and s/xual taunting wasn't quite as bad as what happened outside school 9which also involves girls), but my panic attacks at even the thought of taking my clothes off in front of another human being, much less a room of them deffinately! comes from that.

It's odd, naked men don't bother me at all, but me! being naked is a no no, heck I even wear swimming shorts and a T shirt on those occasions I go swimming, and walk around even my parents house in a dressing gown.

so, for me, your story has something of a different meaning, and I admire you for going into a situation that I wouldn't ever! do.

@Gottymeguy, yep I agree fully. The odd thing is part of me would love! the idea of being naked in a public place, not in a s/xual way, but just in a "this is me so here I am!" sense, indeed I always lift my weights and do my running in my bedroom wearing only a pare of boxers.

The problem however is the thought of anyone seeing! me naked is really terrifying, much less the thought of actually seeing a naked woman.

Again, much like my genophobia this is something I think I could! change with time if I had someone with whome to form new associations, but I'm of course utterly stuck with that.

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#425334 - 02/15/13 06:20 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
Ivo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
Well Pero you just need some time to adjust to nakedness.
For sure it should not be something that you should pay too much attention or even to let it ruin your evening or mood Ė you are overreacting.

It is good that you will go there more and face such situations again.

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#425354 - 02/15/13 10:07 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Originally Posted By: Jude
Pero,
Naked men don't bother me, but the other night I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds on cable TV, and there was this complex plot that culminated in the disclosure that one of the main characters had been molested when he was a boy, and that affected him all his life. He finally confronted his abuser, and had him arrested. It was all too real in its portrayal of how the abuse happened and how it affected the victim.......but it reminded me that in my case there was no "happy ending". No satisfaction or closure. No justice.
Jude

Hey Jude, well usually I don't pay attention at all to nakedness, just that night somehow I was caught in sort of unpleasant situation while I didn't expect it.
I'm sorry that you were triggered while watching Criminal Minds, it seems that we are never completely sure if something like that could happen frown

Originally Posted By: gottymeguy

As far as the locker room, I wish in states we were a bit more relaxed with nudity. I feel that the shameful and degrading way we view the naked body leads to a hyper-sexualized state. I have lots of body image issues, and I am trying to become more comfortable with myself. My recent gym membership has helped a bit.

In my adult life and even starting back in high school, I have not been in a situation where it's normal for guys to be naked around each other (locker room, etc) and have always been nervous in that situation because of being picked on so much in gym and elsewhere as a kid. Being able to take a shower at the gym and knowing there are other guys around changing has been a big step for me. If I have a towel on, or even just in there to put my coat in the locker, no one is teasing me, or pushing me, or even really noticing that I am there. I find it is ok to shower and change around other guys without being harassed. It has been helpful to me to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

Hi gottymeguy, you have some good points here. I'm glad that taking shower in gym and changing cloths there is helping you with your confidence.
I guess there is some true that repressed sexual feelings could be partly seen as source of our hyper-sexualized view on naked bodies.
I'll add that last year I was on beach in north Europe where people were very relaxed in being naked, all families wee together and nobody seems to care at all. I found it very relaxing. It was almost I have had wish to try it wink

Originally Posted By: dark empathy
@pero, myself,my own view is somewhat different. in England we are probably much like the states if not worse where nakedness is concerned, indeed there are still many swimming pools, gyms etc which have individual changing cubicals rather than one big room (which I prefer myself), and you could be slapped with an indecent exposure charge if you were ever naked on the beach.

In my first P.e. lesson, the Physical education teacher gave all the boys and girls a talk where he quite coldly that at that school a girl had been raped in the boy's changing room, ---- charming as you imagine and actually incredibly scary for me at eleven.

Two years later and I quite believed this, indeed it got to the point where I went and changed in the equipment storage cupboard. Admittedly, what happened in the changing room as far as violence, physical exposure and s/xual taunting wasn't quite as bad as what happened outside school 9which also involves girls), but my panic attacks at even the thought of taking my clothes off in front of another human being, much less a room of them deffinately! comes from that.

It's odd, naked men don't bother me at all, but me! being naked is a no no, heck I even wear swimming shorts and a T shirt on those occasions I go swimming, and walk around even my parents house in a dressing gown.

so, for me, your story has something of a different meaning, and I admire you for going into a situation that I wouldn't ever! do.

@Gottymeguy, yep I agree fully. The odd thing is part of me would love! the idea of being naked in a public place, not in a s/xual way, but just in a "this is me so here I am!" sense, indeed I always lift my weights and do my running in my bedroom wearing only a pare of boxers.

The problem however is the thought of anyone seeing! me naked is really terrifying, much less the thought of actually seeing a naked woman.

Again, much like my genophobia this is something I think I could! change with time if I had someone with whome to form new associations, but I'm of course utterly stuck with that.


Hey Luke, well I didn't elaborate my stance about nakedness in full but I have some things in common to you. I'm also anxious when naked and watched by others, somehow I don't want to be glared and I felt anxious in such situations. And I'm also uncomfortable with for example my father, uncle or someone else from family near, no way that I would like to be seen by any of them or that I would like to see some of them naked, lol.
But related to different culutre I'm coming from country with Mediterranean climate with very hot summers where all people are walking almost half naked, lol. We are also regularly going for swimming to rivers, lakes and sea and there is long history of enjoying such activities in very relaxed manner. I was grown like that and always used to wear only speedo trunks while there, I never consider that as something unusual. But at one occasion I was friend with two Mormon sisters, we as students have had like sort of English course at their place and from time to time have some funny task to do. For one occasion we have had to talk about our free time, what we like to do and such things. I talked about my summer activities like going to river side for swimming. I even brought couple of pictures with me and they were like stunned when seeing pictures where couple of us were playing and teasing each other and we all were half naked. Those sisters were looked like jaw dropping, lol wink

I like that you are enjoying your free time relaxed manner like you've said: ""this is me so here I am!" just proceed like that wink

During the summer I regularly cycle trough the city along river banks and around couple of lakes. And as I'm not comfortable when felt that somebody is paying attention to my body I never took off my t shirt while riding bike although I like to do it since I was child. Well last summer I decided to enjoy myself no matter on all and I did it when I felt that I like it. I put off my shirt and at start while I went trough some routes outside of public places. In couple of weeks I was ridding trough the city not paying attention at all, lol.

Originally Posted By: Ivo
Well Pero you just need some time to adjust to nakedness.
For sure it should not be something that you should pay too much attention or even to let it ruin your evening or mood Ė you are overreacting.

It is good that you will go there more and face such situations again.


Hey my dearest brother, good to see you here wink
As I've said it wasn't much nor did ruin my mood, just brought couple of deeper thoughts. I was more impacted by story of another survivor than from bumping to couple of naked men in looker room. To be honest the strongest impact was done by terrible smell of that looker room and all of us squeezed there after intensive exercise, lol, it was so gross that would need to be elaborated in separate topic, lol.

I hope you are doing OK? Could you share with us a little bit customs there where you are living about nakedness and your stance about it? I like it and it could be refreshing for others to hear about it?

Love you!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#425361 - 02/15/13 11:27 AM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
Ivo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
Dear brother I am not sure what you want me to tell. Germany in general is very specific country and their approach to nakedness is very relaxed and tolerant so no one pays much attention but it can be weird sometimes for non Germans.

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#425363 - 02/15/13 12:06 PM Re: locker room- possible triggers [Re: peroperic2009]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
@Pero, I really applaud what you do biking and swimming, as I said for myself it's something I just couldn't albeit that I'd want to. Even when i spent a week in Egypt a couple of years ago and people were, ---- due to the climate as you said, all wandering around in swimming gear I wore a T shirt constantly.

Again, I really can't imagine a situation where I could be comfortable with other people seeing even my torso in any capacity without forming some quite new associations, indeed even in situations when people around me are waring very little like at the swimming pool I'd rather be the odd one out wearing a shirt than risk someone seeing me.

So, congrats to you on overcoming this.

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