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#425147 - 02/13/13 05:32 AM I want them to know
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
As a survivor, I wondered which forum in which to post. Thot I'd give this one a shot.

My background is from a physically, verbally and emotionally abusive family situation that delivered me right into the hands of my perp. Nothing ever changed with the mommybitch, as I'll call her. She preferred to continue to be in perpetual denial and pursue her social climbing activities. I cut her off years ago and, in a particularly blunt letter, left no doubt the reasons why.

One of her step-children is a different story. She's a survivor of spousal abuse and, in fact, was my advocate in confronting the mommybitch about my gayness. Nevertheless, I've had nothing to do with that family in 25 years. I made it clear at the time it was the mommybitch and her third husband I held responsible for their actions. The stepkids had no involvement.

At this point in my recovery, I have the desire to break the silence. I recently did it with some of my cousins (Dad's side) who have been very receptive, especially one who Dad apparently guided into recovery as if he were his own son. Yeah, this one cousin is more like a brother to me than a cousin.

My thot is to approach my step-sister and indicate I want to have my story on the record - some of which may be hard for her to hear - with at least one family member. Honestly, yes, mommybitch has verbally trashed me for years to save face while she rots in a country club McMansion. I don't deserve that.

My step-sister may or may not be receptive to the idea. If not, I'll drop it. Nor do I have control over how she digests my story. I don't care.

I'd prefer to hear feedback only from those who have actually been in my step-sister's position(s) or other male suvivors. PM, too, if you prefer.

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#425150 - 02/13/13 05:47 AM Re: I want them to know [Re: Lancer]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: Lancer
how she digests my story. I don't care.


How do you reach that point of strength? Wow!
_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#425153 - 02/13/13 06:43 AM Re: I want them to know [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
That's strange Still. I never even considered it that way, but it's a good point that I may need to clarify.

As mentioned above, she was my advocate 25 years ago. People can change in that time. I don't really know her. She raised a family I've never met, nor have any desire to. Not out of spite. I just don't care. Neither one of us has ever made any attempt to keep in touch. For me, the only reason I put her and her brother aside was that her dad was the connection to the mommybitch...guilt by association, I guess, but no ill feelings towards her.

At the time of my CSA, she and her brother were already off to college and oblivious to the seriousness of the home situation. I rarely saw them.

I have no idea how she'll respond to the idea or IF she'll respond. But it's her call and she'll be responsible for it. Because of her dad's death seven years ago, she still maintains a contact with the mommybitch, though I don't know the nature of it.

My intention is to advise her my story is not at all complimentary to her dad. Nor, however, out of respect to my step-sister, is it damning. Frankly, though, he's only one of many facets. He was a whimpy enabler. I suspect, as a survivor of spousal abuse herself, she may have been earlier subject to her father's abuse and, therefore, perhaps empathetic.

Primarily I want to break the silence and know for certain at least one person on her side of this so-called family knows the story...not some concocted bullshit by an aging, self-absorbed, social-climbing matriarch who'd say anything about anyone - including her son - to cover her own "reputation". She isn't unlike Kate Hepburn's mother in "Now Voyager".

One person knowing the truth is enuf for me.

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#425429 - 02/15/13 09:07 PM Re: I want them to know [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Had an interesting email from a cousin (Dad's side) that gave me an indication her mother (mommybitch's buddy) wasn't unlike the mommybitch.

Which led me to the thot that I'm on a roll with this and might initiate contact with my step-sister (man, all this family is confusing) this weekend.

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