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#424027 - 02/01/13 07:47 PM New T: Monday
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Going to see a new T for the first time on Monday. We're going to meet up for coffee & an informal chat. I've been looking for the right one for a while now & I sure hope I've found her. I'm nervous as hell... But; no pain, no gain. I feel like a kid about to go on my first date. I don't know what to expect... I want to make a good first impression... I want her to understand me... I want chemistry. I want to feel safe... I want to feel like we can talk about anything. I need to.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#424052 - 02/02/13 02:05 AM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 183
Loc: Puget Sound
Good Luck!!!
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#424062 - 02/02/13 07:26 AM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
LP,

That's a lot of pressure you're putting on the first encounter between you and a potential therapist. I understand about all the things one should get from a therapeutic relationship. And hopefully those things come about. Those things take time to develop in a therapeutic relationship. My advice would be to take it slow and get a feel for the chemistry between you and her. If it feels good, then go from there. Too much pressure and desperation might make you open up too fast and then feel like you're overexposed or may make you feel shame about telling too much too soon, if the pressure you're under brings it to that. I wish you the best with this therapist. May you get what you need from the relationship.

Take care,

Caz
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#424069 - 02/02/13 09:58 AM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Thanks guys!!!
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#424108 - 02/02/13 10:07 PM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: LazyPirate
I want her to understand me... I want chemistry. I want to feel safe... I want to feel like we can talk about anything. I need to.


I like that LP and I'll be right there with you as I'm trying out a new T Tuesday. You just gave me a good list.

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#424118 - 02/03/13 12:27 AM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3391
Loc: somewhere in Africa
... speaking of greeting cards - as we were in another thread, this would be a great time to send one to you both - LP and Lancer - that says:

"Good luck with your new Therapist!"

all my best wishes go with each of you - even without the cards.
Lee wink
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#424161 - 02/03/13 02:18 PM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Hahaha... Thanks. The cards are a great idea!
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#425073 - 02/12/13 03:55 PM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Wow... Kinda pissed. So this new T I was supposed to see... Where do I start? Was supposed to meet a couple weeks ago on Monday, but she cancelled last minute saying her car broke down. Then last Friday we were going to meet again, but we both agreed to call it off due to a huge snow storm that day. So then we made the appointment for today at 2pm. Were just gonna meet at a local Starbucks for a chat. At 1pm I email her asking if we're still on (We email each other all the time from our phones. Almost daily). No reply, but I figure no problem, right? I arrive at the Starbucks nice & early, grab a coffee & then take a seat in a good clear spot where we can't miss each other. I wait. At 2:05 I email again to ask if she's arrived yet. We've never met in person before, so I wanna make sure she isn't the hot girl at the table beside me, lol... No answer. I wait there until 2:25 & then finally decide to go outside for a smoke. I have a clear line of sight to the door. No one matching her description arrives. So then at about 2:35 I send her one more email saying that I have to go since she isn't answering me & hasn't arrived yet.

I'm a bit pissed, but hesitant to judge too harshly since I don't yet know why she stood me up. For all I know she has a great excuse. It's just hard not to think the worst of someone when we've had 2 other failed meetings before this.

Any thoughts?
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#425084 - 02/12/13 05:19 PM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Y'know LP, tho we're both having T frustrations at the moment, I for one am very glad for the company:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5007#Post425007

imo, I think you have your answer on this T's suitability. She's incapable of keeping appts. The "reasons" don't matter, imo. She's not meeting your needs...or even you! And I'm like you if you read the thread. I'm hesitant to judge harshly. But, in the absence of obvious deal-killers like harsh language, a few days' reflection has given me my answers on #1, #2 and #3. And #4 never responded to an email inquiry. Waiting on #5. In short, if I'm paying them - it's MY time and MY money - they'd better have the basics in place. The rest of it - compatable personalities, my specific needs such as CAPS evaluation (PTSD) - is a matter of taste and personal judgment.

I do keep initial contacts more businesslike than nicey-nice. The only "pitch" I have, if there is one, is being able to concisely describe my clinical needs.

I'm in a major metropolitan area and I'd have thot it would be easier than this. Well, it ain't. I'm feeling frustrated, but not so frustrated I feel like giving up...yet.


So, yeah, go ahead and be pissed. Heck, even express it to her if you're comfortable doing that. At the least you can walk away with an exercise in assertiveness. Or something like, "We seem to have a problem connecting and my limit is three strikes. Sorry."

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#425096 - 02/12/13 05:50 PM Re: New T: Monday [Re: LazyPirate]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Lancer,
Not that I'm happy about you having T troubles too... But I feel a small sense of relief knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way. Keep at it & so shall I.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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