I first posted this as my introduction last summer, but I got so many replies and did some updates, it has morphed into my survivor story.
I'm new and I don't know how to start this so I'll just write.
I know there are thousands of stories here like mine, thousands of "us". I don't get the why, and never will. I'm a survivor. My abuse started when I was around 5 or 6, and continued for some 13 years till I was big enough to stop it (mostly) and left home. My family doesn't know about the predators, but they sure know about the verbal and physical stuff at home. No one talks about it, and I don't get that either. There is a lot I don't get and it bites. The predators stole my innocence, but they could not take it all away and that part I still have inside. I will not give into hate, or "they" will win.
I had a counselor but can't afford one now because I'm unemployed. I'll get back to it but at least I'm here. At least now I know I am not defined by who and what the bad people told me I was. I was not made for the things they said I was made for, that stuff they said was the only thing I'd ever be good for. I also learned from my counselor that it does not matter anymore where I have been, only where I'm going. I'm not sure where that is yet, but I can come here. Sometimes things here make me cry, but I'm glad I found this place. The shadows can leave me alone now, and I hope they figure that out soon. They are not going to win.
Lao Tzu said: "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."