Thank you Senri Jan, bodyguard, I am overwhelmed by the desire we each have not to view sexual images, but to connect with healthy, affirming men and women and to enjoy the company, the conversation and the support without sex.
I still get the urge to view porn, to fantasize about women and to gratify myself, but now when I think about the actresses who choose that life, I feel a great sadness. The desperation, or even the continuation of abuse, the degradation they experience or the misguided sense that they are doing the best for themselves financially, this burdens my heart when I consider their plight. A man once quit smoking, not by putting down the cigarette, but by smoking it, then when it was done, he would repeat to himself, "that was gross.., disgusting." Soon he would break free of the habit without self destruction nor shame. I like his approach, but instead of using those words, I would use "sorrow, sadness, pain and hurt" to describe not only those who would act in porn, but by my viewing it. Soon the feelings of self validation from recovery including empathy and compassion overtook my desperation and need for absolute access which I thought was intimacy. I could finally see the end of the road which made me free of porn. The one thing that remained without porn was the need to connect with you, my fellow survivors and those who would support and share with me locally.
Today I can stand before you and confidently say, I have been victorious". I have found support, joyful association and self determination. I am free of porn and continue to separate myself from it's control. How may I help you to overcome this, please respond here or in PM. I look forward to your shares, adding those to the brave men who visit here for the first time and come again to update their progress and stumbles, but who are here to ultimately win!
You inspire me, thank you.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014