You're certainly not alone. Here's what I think is going on, based on my own journey of self-discovery.
Because the doctor was a monster, you dissociated to protect yourself from what he was doing to you. The part of you that experienced the sex acts is the part of you that feels SSA now. It isn't all of you. In fact, you identify as straight. But there's this part of you that wants to recreate the abuse, like a tape loop or a broken record.
The guilt is a manifestation of your primary self dealing with what your dissociated self has done. That's why it feels discordant, psychically. That's why emotional relationships with a man don't make sense, because your primary self isn't interested in it. It's only your secondary self that seeks to act out to recreate the abuse, and then go back into hiding.
I know this because that's me, too. That's a lot of us here. Now, the next question: What to do about it?
You need to look for an EMDR therapist in your area that has training with DID. EMDR is an eye-movement based treatment for PTSD; it helps the brain to reprocess the traumatic events. DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder, which in its worst case is Multiple Personality Disorder, which is not what you have... but you are on the spectrum, like many of us here.
I live in an under-served area, mental health wise, and I just found a EMDR therapist with DID training, so it is possible.
Good luck, stay strong, and we're here for you.
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.