Her: "Okay, I get the point that some events are more gross and shocking than others. I just don't see how you can't turn it off. You aren't a kid anymore. It's over. I don't get why it still seems so everyday to you."
This is one of the parts that she doesn't get. You are a kid. A part of you has been split off and stored somewhere else in your brain. The trama was pushed there outside of the normal memory structure in order to protect you because you couldn't deal with it at the time. You didn't have the capacity. You were not able to deal with it as an adult as you wife thinks you should be able to.
So she wants you to be an adult about this? The following has been posted here in F&F and I have made reference to it before. A letter to secondary survivors
Have her read that and ask her if she can get that. And then explain that that was the adult reaction. Not a child's. A child can't deal with it. An adult barely can. You had to lock this away in order to survive. It didn't go away and it still needed to be dealt with. And it's not like you have a choice in dealing with it or forgetting it. If it were only that easy.
Sorry Matt. I've said it before that she just doesn't get it. And it sounds like she doesn't want to either.