I've been asked by SO many people if I Still have any of those letters. I know that I destroyed them on one very surreal day in my teens.
It was probably about the time I pushed my new-found faith behind me, (knowing better than Him of course), and consciously decided to "go live life and do whatever I have to, to forget...pretend it never happened. If I say it never happened, then it never happened!"
As soon as drugs and alcohol were being use to squelch the abused personas, those personas never missed an opportunity to emerge and remind me of the reality I drag with me.
I always knew...I always felt, I'm going to have to deal with it some day, or this stuff will kill me. Sometimes stuff on the back-burner explodes all over everyone in the kitchen.
I'm "that guy."