Something has definitely definitely changed. She's sure been reading something, I have no doubt.
She brought up a serious discussion of it tonight... we talked about the odds of other guys we knew having dealt with this... she brought up a relative of hers whom we both know for a fact got it, though he had pre-existing emotional problems so severe that it's hard to tell what the CSA actually caused. I also told her of the one of my online friends who responded to my disclosure by saying he'd been there too - though he and I have yet to "exchange details." My wife had met him already at some parties and did the same doubletake that I had, as she too had only ever known him in a "normal" context and he's a suave, well-adjusted guy.
She also made a comment about how CSA can make guys very touch- and sex-averse and that that's obviously not my problem.... we have NEVER discussed that demographic detail so she seriously has been doing some research somewhere...
While we were holding each other she revealed to me that she'd been fixating with hatred on the man who attacked me.... that she wants him punished and to suffer and that she'd support me in anything I could want to do. I told her that while the SOL for child abuse is long over, what he did was also rape and I don't know if that has a different SOL, if I could still do anything about that... I honestly don't know, haven't looked it up, am scared to open the door because proceeding that way would require a huge re-allocation of emotional energy, money, our basically non-existent personal time... when things are just beginning to re-stabilize after the hurricane, and kids and jobs and bills and frankly each other of us need our full attention... and there's no evidence, it would be my word vs an old man and whatever his furiously defensive adult children and grandchildren might care to say or do...
She really wants to go after him. She hugged me and stroked my cheeks as she told of how she hates him for hurting me... that it wasn't my fault and I am a good person. I opened up a bit more and shared some conversations I'd had with my T. It was a good talk, a special talk.
Whatever she read or found or talked to, I am so grateful, I haven't felt so relieved in can't even remember how long.
Barring a severe emergency / get-over-it-ism I am going to stop using this thread as unilateral marriage therapy. I'm a little embarrassed especially now that she has gotten better. But since there were many other people here (women and men) who found it familiar, I guess it can be an example of how it is possible for partners to become more understanding after all.
Edited by SoccerStar (02/08/13 09:31 AM)
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny