Nothing is unbearable anymore...
my body not my own
my voice silenced
my inner thoughts in turmoil
I walk down the street
on the way to school
careful of the big dog
careful of the crossing
everywhere I go it hurts to walk
I put wads of paper in my shorts and still bleed
I hide and cry and somehow it helps
I seek escape...books, movies, whatever.....
I pretend to be a winged comic book character
I learn that I am worthless
I learn that I am bad.
I fly into the sun and hope to get swallowed up like Icarus
Later I realize the differences.
That growing up gay made,
that sex will never really be "not nasty"
that I will have to fight to speak for the rest of my life.
today I know..
that self love isn't enough
that if they don't affirm me I keep walking
that NOTHING is worth my silence.
Today I can't right the wrongs from my childhood
I can't spare the spirited beautiful boy who was utterly broken
I can't rescue his virginity, and preserve his innocence,
I can't take away the mountain of pain he was crushed below.
Today I can remove disdain for my choices and decisions,
I can remember that a child has few resources and forgive him the tragedy,
I can live for today as if yesterday is truly a memory
I can protect my voice, and my body, and my life.
Today, I brook no evil none at all,
I cherish a child's voice,
and suffer none to cry in my presence.
I care not for other's disdain..I do what I must......