I have this too!!!!!! I've had dissociative disorder for most of my life (CSA induced) & have a huge fear of heights... But for some reason when I'm at a ledge, I feel a need to go over it. & I tend to feel that nothing bad will come of it! This has intensified my fear of heights: Fear of what I may do when at heights! I also have similar feelings when driving, like swerving into oncoming traffic.

I have also had a bunch of intense vertigo over the years. Not every day, but pretty regular.

Candu, have I got a bridge for you! (see above) We can creep to the top of the span together. I hate freaking out alone...

Great! Company on the way down.

Hang on, Candu. Here we go!


Gravity sucks.

I also have some fear of heights. I remember when I was 15 and went up to the top of the Empire State Building. It creeped me out pretty badly. But I didn't have a feeling of being drawn toward the edge.

My great fears are from csa. The kidnap experience. He actually worked at creating terror. But then I think I was given LSD. Probably a high dose. It created terror. I had an EMDR session for it a year ago and it tripped me so badly that I dissociated right there. I think my fears are sequestered in an alternate personality which can get triggered.

I'm slowly fitting the pieces together.

Puff

I know it might seem strange for all of my drug use but describing mental/emotional happenstance in my own mind is so very hard, I’ll try this again. Imagine your body in any position, standing, sitting whatever, you can close your eyes, and if you concentrate, you stop thinking, it feels like your falling backwards, you can feel it in the pit of your stomach, just like when I’m staring out my hotel balcony now, yet it feels good, it feels safe, it’s inviting, you can open your eyes and poof back to normal, it’s just like “good vertigo” if there can be such a thing? Its why I asked if maybe anyone thought maybe it was what my mind did prior to being abused, disassociating; just wondering if anyone has any ideas, it’s one of the few things I’m having problems dealing with, I remember it starting after I carried el diablo into the ground? Maybe it was jubilation at my tormentor’s death, idk?

Cee

Cee

I want to suggest something that occurred to me when I first read your post on fear of heights. I didn't get the idea included in my response.

Now I want to raise the question as to whether somebody either actually dropped you when you were very young, or maybe that someone purposely scared you badly by threatening to drop you when you were very young.

Puff

Puff I had never thought of that, it’s so simple you might be right, until I was 4 I lived in a the second floor of a duplex, it also wouldn’t surprise me if he did threaten to throw me off or something, he was such an evil man!

Cee

Y'know, people joke about that Puff, but I think you have something. Considering I was physically abused in my crib and, as a toddler, had my knee torn up with a metal weed eater blade - at least that was always the mommybitch's cocktail party repartee after she'd knocked back a few - I think it may have been possible in my case. Have no memory of it.

Frankly, after that Paris balcony-dangling incident with MJ, I've wondered how his kids will fare. Loved his musical creativity, but he was a real warped &%$$##

While I don't know if this has anything to do with my fear of heights but when my brother and I were young (12 ?) we took a bike ride and ended up at at a bridge over a wide river running through our city. While at the middle of the bridge we were threatened by a group of older boys. They convinced us that they were going to throw us off the bridge and into the river if we didn't give them all our money and our bikes. We ended up with our bikes but we were really badly scared and quickly headed for home after they let us go.



Lancer - I just saw your above post with the Therma & Louise clip. That movie makes me cry on a number of different levels.