Lately I've been getting angry really easy, and irritated and frustrated a lot. I'm not exactly sure why, but it seems like some sort of phase. I'm not sure what triggered this phase, but I feel like I'm kinda mean to the people around me lately, well my mom and dad.

I'll try and analyze why it is I'm so angry. I've been reading books like The courage to heal workbook, Victims no longer, and such, and it just shows me how much I have to be angry about. Most specifically my family. I'm hoping this anger is good, because it is the sort of anger where an inner voice is saying, no I won't be silent anymore, I am not going to be complicit, I have a voice and I'm going to use it. But at the same time, I don't want to hurt my parents, which is a touchy topic because I have a mountains worth of reasons to be angry at them, but at the same time I know they love me and I need them right now.

What can I do with my anger? I've always been afraid of it, because I don't think I can control it. If I let myself say what I really want to say I'll ruin relationships, and if I give into the physical aspect of anger I might scare people or damage things in my house. I don't want to turn my anger inward because that doesn't work, I know it. Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don't because my parents with think I'm crazy. How do I deal with this anger? How do I let it out? Is it a good thing I'm finally feeling anger from the abusive situations of my past? Sexual, physical, and emotional.

Cloudy,

I'm with you on this ride.

That's real anger bubbling up. You have the right to be angry.

We have the right to be angry, especially at our parents for not protecting us. In my case, I am also angry at my parents for 1) not protecting me; 2) denying that it happened or could have happened, even when I've tried to talk to them and ask them about it in recent years; 3) holding me accountable for the effects of the abuse (including the emotional disregulation), as if it's my fault this is happening to me...

But I digress.

I also understand the desire to not upset our parents, especially with the knowledge that they love us and we need them. Even still, if it's bubbling up when you're around them and it needs to come out... talk them about it, use words and stay calm. Talk yourself through it, if you can.

Cant

Hi CloudyFalls,
I am going through this also. My abuse happened in the same town that my parents live in, which is two states away. I carry much anger for them and do not want to communicate with them. I only do when they text me. Other than that it's nothing, I stay angry at myself for these feelings but I just can't deal with them right now. I don't feel they have done anything wrong except not understanding this. But, heck who does understand it besides us? My partner is the only person I am honest with and understands this. He helps me discuss stuff and knows my boundaries and limits. Sometimes I feel that it's just him and me, alone to face this. I have some family in my town and never see them either. Maybe that's the way it is suppose to be.... I'm stumped on this.
Thanks for sharing and getting this out.
Stay Strong,
Randy